After time and time again spent confronting others, we end up with a confrontational attitude, where we focus on the “I” versus “others”; “I will defend my rights,” “Nobody trespasses against me,” “I will get even.”
Sometimes this is the relationship model we learn at home; other times is the result of life experiences. Ultimately, there is no way we can get near others emotionally (and thus solve our needs) if we don’t confront this ‘either/or’ attitude. Why is this? Why is it so damaging to relationships?
Quite simply, this attitude divides the world as we see it in a polarity, where if one person is right, the other has to be wrong. This is one of the basic “flawed reasoning” types of logic that we force our brains (and other people) to conform to. In the real world, things are much more complex that we sometimes have the time or energy to deal with. However, that doesn’t change the fact that very few things are black and white, and we can get into trouble for assuming so.
What can you do if you are having trouble tolerating this complex thing called “multiple views”?
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Stop believing that your truth is the truth; what is true for you is not necessarily true for others.
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Stop insisting that other people must agree with you; it would be nice but disagreement is also OK. Sometimes, disagreeing with each other will lead to the inspiration of a new, improved, collaborated idea.
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Tell yourself that not every person will see things the way you do, even if you explain your perspective. Unless two people share the same brain, they do not often see things the exact same way. We each bring our own ideas, personalities and experiences to the table.
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With that in mind, you can stop invalidating other people’s experiences and opinions, just because they don’t align with yours.
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Take responsibility for yourself. You can’t always control what happens to you, yes; however, you can always control how you react. That is nobody else’s obligation but your own.
Of course, this perspective will not automatically make others follow you. That is the not the point of tolerance. However, it will make you happier, because you will not be forcing others to align with you. Your relationships with others will be more productive and fulfilling, which allows for a better exchange of ideas, energy, needs and communication.
Are you having trouble tolerating difference and complexity? Is it endangering your work or personal life? Please, don’t wait until your life is going downhill fast; get a free coaching session with a coach today!
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