Home Confinement Fosters Unexpected Family Crisis!

In normal times, the human family is the provider of a secure attachment for its members, where to grow up with psychological and physical health. Creating a strong attachment with your children is a way of showing them a secure positive and loving world in which to grow up and thrive. Our children feel safe enough as to risk, learn and mature facing an uncertain world.

Creating a strong attachment between young children and their parents is the most important aspect of their development. It develops by constant company, attention and creating experiences where they can explore with protection.

Of course, this dedication to offering the kids a secure attachment means that the couple of parents are communicating well and supporting each other in their needs.

Now, we are faced with the extraordinary circumstance of a global pandemia that makes “normal family life” a thing of the past…Today, neither adults or children can develop their activities (like going to school or workplace) due to the confinement of the whole family group in the container of the home. Grown ups and children have to spend the whole day in reciprocal company…protecting themselves from the deadly threat of the virus attack.

All previous role definitions are upside down!

In normal times, and traditionally, the home has been female territory…even now, with woke men sharing more of the tasks at home, the general management of the home space is under the wife’s control. She does 65% or more of the house chores. Enter the virus pandemic and its mandated home confinement!

Now, today, men are confined at home…and the family is here. They are forced to give up their several territories: the office or workplace, the car-related areas: (workshop, parking, gas station) the group meetings: bar, get-together….all the spaces for personal male freedom are closed. And he is limited now to be a guest of the wife’s territory.

This is new, unexpected and potentially dangerous. Between managing the virus-produced anxieties, that are by themselves strong and new for all of us, you need to add the feelings created by the confinement. Staying at home for 24 hours of the day can make anyone feel confined, asphyxiated and caged.

There is no space, no privacy and no way of processing the amount of negative feelings produced by this situation…The number of fights at home are growing.

Suddenly his living space is filled with other people, packages of food everywhere, toys on the floor, and quarrels. Having so much anxiety to deal with, adults can forget that THEY are the secure container of their children’s anxiety!

If the husband tries to put order in the home space, he finds himself trespassing on the wife’s territory; nothing of what he does by himself is according to her rules…and she critiques everything he does.

The wife feels that like everything she does, or says, gets a snappy, critical response from her partner…or worst, he is yelling at her and at the kids. Domestic tension is escalating into violence in too many homes. Hear this wife:

“I feel so trapped and I don’t know how to get out or see the light.”

He’s ruing my life day by day and breaking my spirit and it’s in front of the kids, and I can see he does the same abuse to them to…
But I have no relatives near, and I can’t leave the house!
I literally have no one left to talk to about my relationship and now that I can’t get out of the house or away from him I’m dwindling down fast.

Both can be feeling trapped, sad and resentful at the same time…and neither can go out for a drive, or visit with friends, or do something fun to relieve the tension, but spend time watching TV, that opens another battle about who is doing the TV channel choosing. If and when this crisis ends, the marriage will be permanently scarred by too much conflict!

WHY DO YOU NEED A MAP TO MANAGE THIS FAMILY CRISIS?

Suddenly, finding yourself hating the people you love most is scary! You miss having some support, some conflict intervention  that can tide you over the pressure of this situation and make you and your spouse both feel at peace.

NOW, we need to stop this tragic situation! We all need peace and care at home, where we can feel supported and loved as to be able to survive this pandemic threat. How can you restore a minimum of communication to share decisions together…and have a plan of action and stick to it? So you both can continue functioning as the secure container of the children’s anxieties?

We have a plan for you! Even when you are still confined to the home during the virus infection, using our plan will save energies and bring peace to the home. For the wife, she can stop him when he undermines parenting and any constructive conversation as is taken as a personal attack and met with opposition and assertion of his dominance.

“In the first 3 weeks of this terrible situation with the virus PANDEMIA, and facing the loss of his full time job, (and our constant fighting)  we felt despair and loneliness…“

We literally had no one left to ask for advice to stop the constant aggression and now that we can’t get out of the house or find something fun to do away from him I really was full of despair and depression… It was destroying me badly. Following this simple program I got encouraged to take some little steps that connected me with the kids. I now know what to do with them to give them security and hope. Finally, he saw what I was doing and joined us. Finally a bit of domestic peace, it felt so good!

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