What is the connection between being able to manage conflict, anger and negative attitudes such as passive aggression and this wholesome character trait named resilience?
Very easy:
Resilience is what you develop when you learn to confront all those interpersonal obstacles with good solutions.
It is very easy to use "fighting fire with fire" reactions...it's almost automatic, and everybody does it everywhere. A different attitude, like resilience, comes from understanding our personal conflicts as a call for another kind of action.
Here we see resilience as the final product of a long learning process:
A) We accept that there will be confrontation in our life,
B) We choose to manage confrontations by avoiding escalation, attacks and revenge, and controlling anger,
C) We learn to listen carefully to our "enemies'" complains,
D) We sincerely examine ourselves to see how, given the inter-connectedness we have, we helped produce the dispute;
E) We ask ourselves: How can I learn from this dispute? What is in me that needs change? What new skill do I need to learn now to re-connect with this person and be able work together or part in peace?
In short: do we see conflict as a signal to work in our interpersonal communication skills? Yes, indeed!
Neil Warner
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