Conflict-seeking people have mastered all your emotional buttons, and they push them with regularity. Here, we want to remember that it takes two to tango.
When you are ready to deny them the drama and adrenaline rush (by behaving calmer and less reactive in stressful situations) they initially react very negatively, almost as if they are going through a drug withdrawal.
In fact it is possible that when you first become calmer, they may escalate the shouting in the short term. If you are patient and persevere in this non-engagement mindset, this will change in the long term.
What strategies can you use with a person who loves to and needs to have a dispute with you?
- Never yell back, not matter how upset or angry the other person might be; detach emotionally;
- The more their voice goes up, the more you whisper;
- If you feel the situation gets out of control, just escape to a safer place (the bathroom, a long walk);
- Be a good listener and parrot back what they tell you, but in a softer voice;
- Say that you really want to understand their needs;
- If you are going to work with him, there must be a calmer environment, so the person has to stop yelling.
So, even when the other person has a volatile tendency to start emotional battles, the issue resides on your capacity to detach and keep your cool. That’s real personal power!
Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to https://www.creativeconflicts.com.
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