There are a lot of people walking about with a sense of false entitlement, as if others owe them something. They don’t even need to express what they need, because others have to guess or assume what is expected from them. Many of a “cold shoulder” episode between partners stems from this assumption
Let’s unpack what is underneath this sense?
Our way of thinking and perceiving the world determines our reality; there is no other way we can understand the world if it is not through those dark lenses of our mindset…
Our definitions of what is life, of the world and who we are in it, of what a relationship is, are all part of the mindset that creates our reality. If we are filled with emotions like anger and resentment, these are going to tint the glasses in a special way…shaping the quality of our present life.
Chronic anger is highly visible for the people around us, which respond in turn according to what they perceive. Our negativities and resentments define our relationships with others, even without our conscious participation.
What is resentment? a combination of the emotions and actions and thought patterns resulting from our unresolved anger at a past injustice.
Families have multiple special ways of delivering injustices at us…
we all have our own. Children have a basically strong sense of what justice is, and they perceive when their basic needs are not solved and upon that, when they are humiliated because being “needy,” adding insult to injury.
Those early lessons of how we were inept, not deserving to be loved or helped, stupid, worst than our brothers, and a punishment for our parents, are still will us. They are the fuel under any injustice feeling of today…which just hits on the old wound to reappear now.
The chain of perceived injustice, anger and resentment, leads naturally to revenge. Here is the hidden knot of suppressed anger…if you are so far from your own chronic anger, that you don’t recognize it, you could be doing small revenge acts to force the world, only this time to pay attention, to give you the care and appreciation you are missing from ever?
The only problem is, that being our own anger so repressed, we can’t have the luxury of asking for the tender mercies of others. It has to be given to us without asking, as if this episode is in the past and we receive as children the care that is naturally our birth right…
In the grown up world, where we assume that each person knows how to care for herself, this hidden rage, resentment pushing into actions has a short life; and more frustration ensues. If we don’t ask, nobody can give us anything, then more frustration (real and present now) develops…what can a good passive aggressive person do now?
Well, there is always revenge, right? That negative consequence that pops up and surprises the blind partner with its intensity, is o more or less than a hidden message:
“Please, take care of my hidden needs for attention and love, even if I myself can’t ask for them and moreover, will never thank you afterwards, or you will suffer the consequences!”
Here you have the hidden transaction of a passive aggressive daily, methodical and relentless revenge mindset. Pretty complex, you’d say? yes, but take the time to soak it in, because it can be the key to unlock so many actions that now surprise you.
At the least, if you take from his hands the “surprise effect,” you will have some advantage over your present situation, right?
Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to https://www.creativeconflicts.com.
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