There are two ways of doing life:
a) Living life as it happens, in a naive way, adapting yourself to what life dishes out to you ( as the facts of family of origin; level of poverty/wealth; educational possibilities; personal health, etc), being resigned to your circumstances and seeing yourself incapable of changing anything.
b) Having a personal plan, designed by you and based on what you want from life.
Now, with so much psychological research, we get to know more about what constitutes a good life. We already know that we need some degree of peace and happiness (life stress managed and kept under control) in order to live healthy.
Because life stress and interpersonal conflict attack your life structure, they bring anxiety and reduce your life quality.
We also know that having negative emotions make you miserable, reducing your quality of life and diminishing happiness. A life full of conflict and stress is also a life full on medical and health incidents…they go together.
Knowing all this, even when our origins gave us bad health, unhappy family of origin and a lot of psychological anguish and suffering, it is now possible to make the strategic decision to focus on how to make your life happier.
First, you need to stop thinking that you have no power on the kind of life you are having, and begin accepting that you have some power on its quality. Taking responsibility for seeking to develop positive and nourishing interactions with others is the first one. What else can you do to enjoy a happier life?
You need to identify your needs, and make a plan to establish a source of satisfaction to each different need. If you have a need for security, the solution for it is different from the solution to the need for love and security, and so on…
You are also responsible for establishing links with people who can respect and appreciate you; and perhaps looking at th impact of negative people in your life, avoid connecting with the people who stop your growth.
As now your life design is in your own hands, you are responsible for making yourself grow: identify the areas where you need some push to develop further, towards a better education, a better job, or a better body, and follow the plan. Remember to keep growing, always.
Being in a better and happier place will make you more resistant to friction and conflict: learn to keep smiling while you continue your own way; no need to discuss with others to force them to change. You only can change yourself, and that is a large job!
In short: you will have to catch up in your own happy self-development, towards the person you want to be. Don’t let anyone challenge your own image of your good, purposeful life. And yes, this also means that you have to take your inner child to play!
Neil Warner
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