What makes you a good enemy?

Fighting or arguing is part of any relationship. Conflict is inevitable for the process of growing in your relationship. Even the strongest relationships can go through some tough times. Some  relationships fall quickly into pitfalls if not carefully handled and that is what this article is all about: finding out if you are a good or bad enemy and if you know how to handle your relationship in a mature way.

If you are in a big fight, with a lot of screaming, you become an enemy in the eyes of your partner. We are programmed to react as if our beloved partner becomes our worst enemy, thanks to the neural configuration of our brains.

So, if and when you are going to be seen as an enemy, what kind of enemy do you think you are? Are you a good or bad enemy?

Do you avoid confrontation, escape from legitimate arguments or outright reject you partner’s arguments? 

If you fight your battles looking only at your self-interest, forgetting that you are part of a couple, and answering fire with fire, or all you care about is your self-defense, or if you are too proud or stubborn to admit your share of the troubles, that makes you a bad enemy. 

On the other hand, a good enemy does not avoid any arguments, but listens and makes an effort to understand the conflicting situation from the other side’s perspective. If you have strength of character and abundance of patience, you would be able to listen carefully and with enough respect as to make your partner deeply understood. 

If you are able to tolerate the voices, the cries or the attacks, and keep asking for the causes of the anger, then you are able to determine what your partner is crying out for, perhaps because there is a felt need for contact or because the loneliness is expressing itself…

Signs of being a good enemy to your partner:

- You always remember how important is for your partner to feel good about himself each day;

- You are able to offer an apology and thus break communication barriers;

- You praise your partner whenever contributing positive ideas;  

- You recognize and accept your shortcomings and think of ways for you to  

becoming a better partner;

- You treat your partner with respect and dignity at all times.

The skills of a good enemy:

- Never escalate the anger and the screaming;

- Deal with the problems in an easy, calm and self-empowered manner;

- Focus and remember the positive aspects that enhance the relationship;

- Be able to control situations, know when to stop and to say enough;

- Be able to make solid decisions, and sacrifice your self-interest.

You must also understand that in your relationship, to have it surviving and growing you should always work through your problems and settle your differences in a cooperative way.

Neil Warner

Neil Warner

I'm the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don't have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today, by buying the ebook: Turning Conflicts into True Love".

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