Sometimes in a relationship, abuse grows up slowly. Here and there, you can catch some overly controlling and critical behavior. He would make fun of you in front of his friends, and, because you are not expecting abuse, you laughed it off.
Even being in despair, you can still blame yourself...You keep blaming yourself, thinking you don't know what a healthy relationship is. You keep it going even though feeling increasingly unworthy and unloved. You even could try to change yourself so he could love you more.
Have you been told that if you just tried harder, if you could make him happy, things would be OK, and then watch things go worse?
Finally, you end up believing that the relationship didn't work because you are too stupid, or not interesting, or not sexy enough!
You can hear yourself saying that you love him and want him forever, from the pit of self-denigration!
Can it be that you put up with a lot of abuse because you were terrified to leave him. Perhaps you'd be thinking, "What if there's nothing better out there?", or "What if I don't deserve any better?"
As long as you persisted hanging out, you kept losing yourself...losing your self-confidence and trust in your own capacity to love and be loved. Something had to change, if you wanted to recover your soul...The trigger was a silly incident, when you needed to fly to see your mother. Just leaving him felt different, but all the time you were by yourself, you discovered that you felt lighter, more relaxed, more optimistic. All around you was enjoyable...everything was a pleasure. Perhaps it was the last day of the visit to your mother, that your brain expressed your truth: "We are so happy being away from him!"
Something changed at that moment...you were not missing him, but relishing in the absence of criticism and contempt. In a peaceful and accepting environment, you found yourself again.
Was it the momentous separation? was the opportunity to go back to yourself, and feel self-reliant and empowered again? Instead of moping around him and feeling sorry for yourself, you started focusing 100% on YOURSELF.
Your passions, needs and well-being become your number one priority, and that was fun, and the right thing to do...So, you discovered that you are responsible for yourself, and nobody can define who you are, but you. This attitude makes you FEEL MORE SECURE AND HAPPY.
Why? Because a woman who puts herself first and knows how to enjoy her life is very attractive to men... and she'll attract the kind of man who also takes care of himself.
By becoming stronger, more self-confident, and really READY for the right relationship, you abandon the fear of being alone, of not being appreciated and become who you need to be, in order to be respected and valued. And all this discovery happened, because a short time trip!