This is the time, of course, when we review our lives and focus on improvement areas. This is a very healthy exercise which helps us understand our weak points so we plan how to overcome them.

What about the hidden ballast of resentment that we carry around? as a concealed cost of relationships, it goes with us everywhere and manages to give new connections the old flavor of suspicion and mistrust. What if new people get to hurt us like the ones in the past? Those people who were so nasty to us in the past?

This reveals that when we are stuck in some hurt stories, keeping a careful damage scorecard, we are unable to forgive. This takes away part of our life energy and wastes it in a ceaseless reenacting of the past.

Why -you can say- wasn’t forgiveness a part only of religion? How can we now consider it a healing technique for our personal wholesomeness? How can that be?

Dr Fred Luskin has articulated a path to forgiveness, which guides you to recover your inner peace. For starters, it is important to know that it does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, what you are after is to find peace.  Forgiveness can be defined as the “peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story.” 

First, you have to stop denial and  know exactly how you feel about what happened to you and be able to articulate what about the situation was not OK. 

Then, you need to recognize that your power is in controlling your responses to the attack. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not from the action or hurt you received in the past. Probably you were expecting too much from a person or a situation?

Remember that there is always a choice: you can choose to feel hurt as a victim, or to decide that the attack is only revealing the nature of the attacker and his need to hurt someone. You can select not to feel hurt, and only have pity for the attacker.

Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to be immune to any attacks; you know your personal value and nobody can challenge that.   If you still feel resentment towards an important person from your past, begin to do some breathing exercise. When you exhale, think of releasing any emotional connection (either anger, dependency, despair) with such person.

 Think in terms of releasing the negative emotions and inhaling pure and clean energy.

Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge.  Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain more and everlasting power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness who have been able to create and be joyful of your life.

The practice of forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt depression and stress and leads to greater feelings of hope, peace, compassion and self confidence. Practicing forgiveness leads to healthy relationships as well as physical health. It also influences our personal attitude which opens the heart to more kindness, beauty, and love.

Thanks to Dr Luskin: http://www.learningtoforgive.com/steps.htm

About the Author

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.

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