This Valentine season, you will have (or give) diamonds, nice red roses, a fancy evening and bittersweet chocolate. With the exception of the diamonds, all the rest can be forgotten in a week. Which is the most important gift that you want for your relationship? Is the one you really need conjugal peace and harmony? After all, both peace and chocolate will help you stay healthy and happy – but which one helps you avoid the constant fighting that can lead to divorce?

Why do couples fight? Marital squabbles can be over lots of things:

• Control struggles (who’s in charge) and how decisions are made

• Degree of reciprocal control or independence

• Treatment of in-laws and significant relatives

• Sex: how, when, why, by whom, varieties

• Money: earning, managing, saving and spending

With the objective of controlling, humiliating or winning over the other, all kinds of negative things are said, things that are difficult to take back. The results are very sad; repetition of the fight, which is inevitable when it is not resolved, will sour the relationship. Fair fighting is designed to deal with issues that bring conflict without destroying the relationship.

We need to remind you that “love” as it is known in songs and popular conversations, has no meaning if it not carried along a certain set of behaviors. Those love behaviors have to be learned, and applied. Once you accept this, you will find that your life is infinitely more satisfying and rich, because people will recognize immediately that you know how to treat them well!

Want to know how to spark some passion in your relationship? See our case study at Relationship Repair.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation at Conflict Coach, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

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Technorati Tags: fair fighting, health marriage, love, marriage, passion, relationship repair, Relationships, Valentine's Day

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Technorati Tags: appreciation, emotions, Healthy Marriage, healthy relationships, love, romance, Valentine's Day

It’s St. Valentine’s day again, right? and you are wondering where the love excitement in your life is? It’s just here!

We know the basics, right? When you fall in love, there are certain chemicals in your brain that make all your perspectives shift into high gear… you really know that you are in love, because you feel it all the time. Your pulse quickens; your heart beats and this delicious feeling of anticipation gives a rosy tint to your (previously boring) life.

You also know that, once the first wave of excitement is gone, after 18 months, or two years, routine sets in… you have a secure companion, and this is a good thing. But at the same time, the pulse-quickening excitement is gone! Does it mean that the love itself is now gone? No way! But this delicious excitement is dimmed. And you surely want it back.

The chemistry of love is based on the brain. The love excitement we feel is caused by the chemical dopamine, and it’s highly addictive! After we experience it once, we all need that burst of dopamine, at least once in a while, that will make us feel alive, excited, connected and successful… As a matter of fact, this is the same mechanism that chocolate uses to make us happy (and the reason we love chocolate so much!)

How about it, are you going to search for this excitement by having a new love? This can be the solution if you are single, and you miss really the companionship and support of someone significant in your life.

Then, this is a good time to take your wish for love seriously and put your call out for a new relationship. Be sure that this new relationship gives you that romantic feeling right from the beginning, because without it, there is no gratification and being with someone would be more of a chore, right?

What if you are in a relationship? In search of excitement, are you going to have an affair? This is not such a good idea! It has the potential to give your brain a shot of the excitement you miss, for sure. But, it can be too exciting, and take you just to the verge of disaster, when it pushes you to risk the present relationship… now seen as boring and “lacking excitement.” Going from affair to affair to get a new “dose” is comparable to a junkie looking for bigger and better fixes. Not a good comparison – it suggests you’re never really happy, you’re just always hungry for more.

So, do you want more love excitement/dopamine just in time for Valentine’s day? No need to take a new lover, if the life you have with your present partner is good enough!

Here is what you can do: you need to generate in your brain (and your partner’s) the dopamine-producing activity: both of you need to do something together that is completely new for both of you, something exciting! This new activity, be it snow shoeing, trekking, ballroom dancing, etc. will provide the challenge to the brain to begin producing the results you expect.

It is even recommended that the new activity could be doing something so new, and never intended before, as to be a little challenging or dangerous…Nothing that resembles your sedated vacation plans, but more like learning to climb walls or going to Costa Rica to trek up an active volcano. Your pick, but please, for added security, take also a box of semisweet chocolate in your suitcase, and the excitement package will be completed!

Get a grip at your love life this year!

Originally published by our own Coach Nora at:

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Love_chocolate_and_dangerous_things.html

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation (by clicking here), with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

Technorati Tags: love, marriage, Relationships, Valentine's Day

Can you ignore it? Of course you can…if it is too painful to remember what it means, right?
Basically, it reminds us of the excitement from love feelings. Love feelings? Ha, what were those, you might ask?

When you first fall in love, there are certain chemicals in your brain that make all your perspective shift into high gear…you really know that you are in love, because you feel it all the time. Your pulse quickens; your heart beats and this delicious feeling of anticipation gives a rosy tint to your (previously boring) life.

You also know what follows: once the first wave of excitement is gone, or destroyed by some unkind comment or nasty put down, dissapointment sets in. You are in a relationship, right, but the pulse-quickening excitement is gone! Now, you tell yourself that at least, you get security being in this relationship, and that has to be enough…

The chemistry of love is based on the brain: every time we produce a feeling or a thought, we can be sure that it is based on a chemical track in our brain. The love excitement felt by the chemicals in the brain is highly addictive!

And we all need that burst of dopamine in the brain that makes us feel alive, excited, deeply connected and successful…either produced by a relationship, or produced from being in love with our own lives.

Well, then, here is a different tack on this Valentine issue: can you get equally excited about loving your own life? Self-love is usually discounted up front, but without a deep connection with yourself, you will always be waiting for others to give you recognition, support and love!

And we all know that putting your self esteem at the mercy of others is not a good starting point for any relationship. Sometimes we accept the pain of a bad relationship as a screen that covers the first hurt: we are abandoning ourselves! We learned that while growing up and being not appreciated in our families; now is normal to feel not worthy of love and connection with others.

If you know that an important part of your happiness is being cared for and appreciated by your partner, be sure that you respect and care for yourself and your own projects first. Whatever makes you happy and gets you excited about your life has to be cared for and included in your life plan, either single or married.

And what is important for you has to be important for any partner you can select: don’t accept that your spouse rejects or ignores an important part of you. It is the equivalent to rejecting a piece of you, so don’t agree of dumping those values or that interest only because he tells you it’s worthless.

Take stock of what you are looking for to make yourself happy. Whatever the kind of emotional abuse you had in your past, we need to remember that the basic task of life: to accept and love oneself is still to be done. We are responsible for a life project that is uniquely ours; nobody else can do it for us. If you didn’t learn to love yourself growing up, why can’t you accept this Valentine day to begin doing it?

Only when we recover the path to self-development, we get in touch again with this wonderful person inside us waiting to grow up, be mature and independent and able to enter only into relationships full of support and respect.

Now, isn’t it a wonderful Valentine message to be able to look us in the mirror and say: “Here is to you and your happiness, lovely girl! Happy Valentine!”

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Technorati Tags: abuse, appreciation, love and connection, respect, Self-Esteem, Valentine's Day