The ones that bother most are not the openly competitive people, because you know what they want, and there are no surprises in them getting ahead to snag the best projects, and commissions. What you don’t prepare for is the slow sabotage of certain people who feign cooperation and dedication, only to produce consistent failures.

If you were expecting someone to do a shared project, and your own evaluation is supposed to be in the whole project, but one part is not forthcoming, then what do you do? There were lots of promises, guarantees and strong words, but no results. And you don’t know if to believe this person, or to accept that the project is doomed and you are responsible very soon to report a failure.

Here is when the rubber meets the road: you are realizing that his delay is intentional and focused on making you fail! Difficult to believe, but no other plausible explanations are around, so you need to accept you’ve been blindsided by this person.

What do you do: have a strong discussion or say nothing? Knowing that a passive aggressive person won’t fight back, they can clam up, give you the cold shoulder, tell you what you want to hear, or burst into tears and run away.

If you show your anger, the PA will be less cooperative, stop communicating and confirm that you are his enemy, so becoming more hostile and resentful, even to the point of planning his revenge. Then, how do you manage this potentially explosive situation?

For some reason we have been conditioned to avoid any kind of open confrontation, even the healthy ones, and to try to keep up with a forced situation that doesn’t deserve to be called “peace,” but an angry truce.

Let’s go back to the basic situation, where you are a team leader, or a manager, and you have someone in your team behaving in this way. Of course, you know that this person is immature, that his PA behavior is a defense mechanism, and all that. Anyhow, this person is not responding to you!

Now, it becomes really personal…and you shift from an outsider’s view to a very interested insider, because the action is against you or your work objectives…You suddenly realize that the passive aggressive person’s goal is an attempt to control his environment, meaning by that you and your responses. He is controlling at least the time of delivery of this shared project!

What can you do? If you have identified already the presence of this kind of behavior, you know that you have always to design an alternative plan “B” which can provide you with the extra help needed to deliver the project done in time and quality.

If not, then the choice is to continue expecting from him the delivery of his task, or replacing him. In both ways, the “solution” will leave a bad taste in the relationship. The first lesson, “never trust your own evaluation to the hands of other person who cold be passive aggressive,” is learnt. In brief, control your expectations, parcel out important tasks so there are several responsible people involved, and re-check frequently to see how much delay the PA can generate before you stop him.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Technorati Tags: backstabbing, confrontation, control, hidden anger, passive aggressive, resentment, Sabotage, workplace anxiety

Are some conversations with your hubby leaving you feeling emotionally drained, dejected, and utterly confused?  Do you received the message “I love you” while at the same time he/she is sabotaging your best efforts to do positive things for the couple?  

This is maddening, and you need to know what is going on….because being in this confusion can damage your confidence and self-esteem.

Constant, stubborn passive aggressive behavior can take its toll on you, slowly altering your personality, until you barely recognize your own self.

You feel isolated, perhaps you might cry or yell more often than before, and perhaps you could feel completely out of control.  

What are the main aspects of passive aggressive behavior?

- Unexpected, unprovoked anger attacks, not related to the issue being discussed

- Isolating or rejecting you without an obvious reason

- Stopping you from expressing your feelings or ignoring them

- Preventing you from getting your family or friends’ support

- Showing sensitivity and caring one minute; hostile and resentful the next.

  In order to understand what is going on, what you need to look for is not the occasional response that blocks cooperation while saying that it is forthcoming, but look for the passive-aggressive behavior which is ingrained and the habitual way of dealing with the world, you included.

Every time you suggest something, and you can do this exercise only to test his answer, watch how he never will say: wonderful, let’s do it! Instead, he will edge and haw, give evasive comments and change the conversation….or asks from you about something not related, (like the weather or the time) only to throw you off.  

More: if you push and ask about the meaning of his communicative behavior, what you will get is a maddening mixture of evasiveness and contrition, agreeableness and resistance, connection and aloofness.

If all of this fails, he will show himself being severely depressed, which leaves you in the same place!  

The classic description of passive aggressive behavior includes a “stubborn malcontent, someone who passively resists fulfilling routine tasks, complains of being misunderstood and underappreciated, unreasonably scorns authority and voices exaggerated complaints of personal misfortune.”

Sometimes you can even perceive him as doing a very sly, covert sabotaging of all your plans to move ahead, progress and develop new experiences for both, so scared this person is of change and your role in any change happening to him/her.

Do you plan to enroll his help losing weight? Then he will invite you to dine out, at a good pizza place!  If you push a lot, then you will be served with aggressive outbursts, coming like “out of nowhere,” but destined to protect his personality from any adult challenge needing his response.  

Do you need to know more? If you think passive aggressive behavior is the cause of your unhappy situation there are steps you can take to resolve it. 

Perhaps you need to get a copy of my ebook,  which will give you strategies to respond to Passive Aggressive tactics! If you are ready to break free of the chains of passive aggressive emotional bondage, if you are tired of feeling humiliated and alone, if you are ready to take control of your emotional well-being once and for all, then this e-book is for you.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/recognize-passive-aggressive-before-it-destroys-your-sanity-467359.html 

Technorati Tags: Anger Attacks, Cold Shoulder, loneliness, love, Passive Aggresive Behavior, passive aggression, passive aggressive, rejection, Resistance, Sabotage, Silence, Unhappiness