These are all normal reactions, as most confrontations are uncomfortable and anxiety-filled situations. However, there are some tricks and tips that can keep you focused and calm during a confrontation. The calmer you are, the better prepared you are to defend yourself, reach an agreement, or solve a problem.

Look at your goals; maybe some you’ve made that still haven’t gotten done. Is there something you really want, or want to see change, that hasn’t been finished because you’re afraid of the confrontation involved? If so, keep those things, the things worth fighting for, at the front of your mind. Don’t let yourself say, “Oh, I’ll get what I want some other day.” You can achieve it today, with a little push and determination.

Don’t try to read anyone’s mind. It may seem scary to think about interrupting someone and saying, “What did you mean by….?” However, asking for clarification is the best way to not only smooth the situation, but also give you a sense of power and control. Otherwise, it is one sided – you listen, and the other person rants. It may also make you feel better, to learn that someone didn’t mean it the way they said it.

Try to think of it as “negotiation,” not “confrontation.” When you think of it this way, you tell yourself that you have a stake in the outcome, and thus, you have a right to have your ideas heard, and your needs expressed. Again, telling yourself you have rights and a voice is a great way to make you feel empowered.

If you feel oppressed, ridiculed, or abused in any way, it’s important to take a step back, ask for a breather or a moment alone. Think carefully about the situation, and ask yourself whether you are overreacting, or whether there is more to it. If you feel it is some kind of abuse, or if you simply can’t decide for yourself, it may be time to ask a third party (mediator, therapist, etc.) to step in.

Remember that the idea of confrontation is communication – not control. When you are confronted about your behavior, or you confront someone else, the point is not for someone to be the “winner” or the one with more power. The point is merely to have problems addressed and hopefully worked out. Whether those problems are fully solved or not, you should still walk away feeling respectful of the other person, and in turn, respected by them.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Technorati Tags: aggression, anger, appreciation, communication, conflict, critique, feelings, forgiveness, goals, negative emotions, reconciliation

1.- Expect to reach a resolution.

Many of us take a fight-or-flight approach to conflict, sometimes only to make our point stick. You and your future partner are on the same side of the same team, which is difficult to remember when you are in a heated argument. Resolution is defined as both parties compromising to reach a solution. You need to remember that this fight is NOT about one person getting his way and the other person caving in because feeling manipulated or defeated. This is winning the battle and losing the war!

2.- Identify what you want.

Nobody has a cristal ball! Be responsible for your own side and offer your best information about your needs and wants. Take some time in private and decide what is what you want! Your partner cannot give you want you want if you don’t have the courage to ask for it.

3.- Generate options and possible solutions.

Be willing to back up your requests and desires with a solution that is mutually satisfactory. Back up your statement with a good argument that is reasonable, and see the reaction. See what you and your partner can work out for a mutually satisfying resolution. Don’t force a solution that has not the complete approval of the other side…or you will be back at the issue in dispute very soon.

4.- Choose mutual action.

Resolving conflict does not mean to take on more responsibility simply because it is easier than arguing, but sometimes it happens in this way. A relationship is a partnership, a joint effort to shoulder your own part of the deal.
If one person ends up being responsible for making the union work on every level, resentment will build up and it will not last. Sometimes men are less articulate, but it does not mean that you shy from a deep compromise to do your best to solve the issue.

5.- Set up Some Time to Evaluate the Outcome.

If the first solution doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to revisit the issue and make changes. Many times what seems doable in theory is flawed in reality. Do not chastise your partner, for that only will encourage avoidance in the future with other issues. What you need to build up is on the practice to share the discussion over the issue, the search for solutions and the wish to heal the relationship.

6.- Reinforce the emotional aspect at each step.

Send messages of appreciation for the effort that the other side is doing. It is important to keep the conversation in a respectful and appreciative mood, and to say frequently that you are thankful for that. You are building now strategies of good communication that will last for ever.

Looks like a good plan? Well, relationships are based on emotional processes, where we need daily doses of support and appreciation….if only we could remember this every day!
If the prospect of learning how to do “conflict solving with a loved one,” (while preserving the relationship) has called your attention, then you are on the right track.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Technorati Tags: attention, conflict, conversation, dispute, emotions, fair fighting, goals, loneliness, love, loved one, Relationships, resolution, respect