We wanted to challenge the “End of the Year Blues”, as we realized how many issues are still without resolution when it comes to important relationships…

With this in mind, we are proud to announce that December will be

“National Relationships Repair Month“

This FREE program spans over 4 whole weeks for a good discussion and healing of the issues that form the base of our relationships, so hidden we usually do not take the time to reflect on them…

We provide here good reading materials for you to learn from, questions and answers and finally, a good plan to restore your relationships. We count with your participation!

Get a good look at this new offer, and hop on board! Here is the link, and remember that we are waiting for you!

http://nationalrelationshipsmonth.com

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation at Conflict Coach, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

 

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Technorati Tags: attitude change, communication, conflict resolution, confrontation, emotions, feelings, forgiveness, frustration, happiness, Healthy Marriage, healthy relationships, love, marriage, recognition, reconciliation, Relationships, resilience, respect

At the heart of the human experience is the need to feel loved, and to feel love for others. This connection in its multiple forms goes to the heart of our own identity. What kind of relationships? Better them to be healthy and meaningful, we wish….But in all cases, we tend to reenact the primal experiences we have had when children, (that is what we know, of course) and so our present relationships duplicate the anxiety and the pain and the difficulty of previous ones.

Here is the core of our situation: If each one of us has such a strong need to give and receive love, what are we doing when we sustain unhealthy connections that prevent and thwart our growth? Why is there so little love in the world?

It has to do with an imbalance between what we can give and what do we need…to keep the flow of connection alive. In healthier family systems, it is more important to be emotionally close, and resolve negative feelings with each other. It is also easy to admit when mistakes are made, feelings are hurt and situations demand a heartfelt apology…

In such a family, keeping well nurtured a member’s self esteem is more important than any single behavior, and each one of the members cares about keeping each other’s healthy feelings. Some individuals could even apologize for hurting the spouse’s feelings even if he believes the other person “should” have known better. One could decide that it is more important to be close to the loved one, than to be right. Educating the children in how do you resolve this right/close issue is usually essential for their future ability to build good relationship.

The primary factor in determining whether there will be trust, goodwill, and emotional closeness in a couple or family group is whether each person is convinced that the other cares not just about his or her own well being, but about the other person’s as well.  There has to be a perception that everybody’s feelings count and need to be taken care of, either them being adult or children.

The more family members have an understanding of the basic conflict style they use, the greater their chance of not acting them out in the relationship in a destructive way. If they know that there is a tendency to shouting, then they can establish ways of reminding each other that “here we care not to shout to each other, because we know how much it hurts.” This kind of shared understanding invites gently each person to take care of his/her own feelings and its management.

Relationships is the real way and a unique opportunity to understand ourselves in a new way, and to discover the best and most noble parts of ourselves. We are as trusting and caring in our lives as our past conflicts have been resolved, and the flow of care for each other has been maintained.

The reverse is also true, however. If we reject taking ownership of our own frustration and negative feelings, and blame the other person for how we feel and respond to her in a violent way, we stop the learning process and end up feeling angry, and often victimized. How we choose to deal with our own painful feelings from our past, as well as negotiate our present relationships, and how much we are able to love and empathize with another needs for love and connection, ultimately determines the outcome of the relationship, as well as our own spiritual and emotional growth.

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to Conflict Coach

Technorati Tags: appreciation, conflict, confrontation, critique, forgiveness, happiness, Healthy Marriage, healthy relationships, reconciliation, resilience

• Are you accessible when I try to reach out to you?
• Will you be responsive to my needs?
• Are you committed to this relationship?

In other words, beneath the content of words spoken in fights, partners are looking for answers to questions of:

• Are you there for me?
• Are you emotionally present?
• Do you see, value and love me?

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more!

Technorati Tags: appreciation, attitude change, conflict resolution, confrontation, control, critique, Emotional Abuse, forgiveness, happiness, Healthy Marriage, hidden anger, love, recognition

By MARIE HARTWELL-WALKER, ED.D.

For some people, this is a truly radical idea: There is no need to fight with your partner. Ever. Accusations, recriminations, character assassination, threats, name-calling, and cursing, whether delivered at top volume or with a quiet sarcastic sneer, damage a relationship, often irrevocably. Nobody needs to be a monster or to be treated monstrously. Nobody who yells will ever be heard. In the heat of a moment, it is always a choice whether to go for a run or run your partner down.

On the other hand, no two people in the world, no matter how made for each other they feel, will ever agree about everything at all times. (It would be quite boring if they did.) Couples do need to be able to negotiate differences. They do need to have room for constructive criticism. They do need a way to assert opinions and to disagree. And they do need to have a way to express intense feelings (that the other person may not understand or support) without feeling that they will be judged as lacking for doing so. READ MORE HERE:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2008/10-rules-for-friendly-fighting-for-couples/

Technorati Tags: anger, appreciation, conflict, conflict resolution, confrontation, control, critique, fight, forgiveness, humiliation, passive aggressive, reconciliation

How can we promote happiness in our environment? Gratitude could very well be the key.

Because many of us may lead busy and stressful lives that barely give us quality time to spend with our loved ones, we tend to forget that having them in our lives is a blessing. In other words, we focus on the negative instead of the positive, and that makes us surly… which in turn, can make those around us become dour.

But if we consider positive aspects in our lives, then the time we get to spend with our families is a gift instead of a burden. Being grateful for this gift -and honestly so- can be a way of approaching and improving the world around us, and it is a value that we should share with our loved ones.

We live in a society where we are constantly bombarded with the idea that we should feel entitled to having everything and where the rule of thumb is always wanting more. Yet wanting more never made anybody happier and in fact, is a constant cause of anxiety and frustration. On the other hand, there are studies proving that gratefulness brings about more personal satisfaction and a deep sense of well-being.

If for instance you are married and have children, it would be a good idea to instill gratitude in them through little actions, such as asking them to tell you about the good things that happened to them each day, or by allowing them to lead the prayer before dinner and asking them to state something the whole family should be glad about. It’s your own practice of a grateful attitude which will set the pace in your environment, when you share the daily events you feel grateful for.

Besides, this positive environment with less critique and more appreciation makes children more sympathetic and caring.

You could also try being more appreciative towards your spouse. Sometimes, precisely because we see them every day, we become oblivious to how lucky we are to be able to spend time with our chosen life partners! We go the way of entitlement and take them for granted. Remember why you married that person, what led you to choose them, and what led them to choose you.

Remind him too of all the good old things and the good new things. Has she changed any old habit that you were not exactly thrilled about when you met? Thank her for it. Did he take out the garbage without being asked to? Tell him how much you appreciate it. Share with him the idea of instilling gratefulness in your children, which is bound to open a discussion about the benefits this can have in them and in you two as a couple.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation (by clicking here), with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

Technorati Tags: appreciation, attitude change, conflict resolution, emotions, feelings, forgiveness, Healthy Marriage, healthy relationships, love, Resistance

What about you? If you are reading this blog, you probably feel that your relationship is in danger of falling apart, simply because you and your partner don’t know how to handle conflict well.

Some of the things you may be experiencing are:

Having unrealistic expectations – yes, it’s true; when we first meet each other, we are always trying to make a good impression and be the best we can be. Healthy relationships, however, are ones that realize that when you’ve been together for a while, flaws are a normal things that we all have. As such, we handle them with grace. Are flaws handled with grace in your relationship? Are you constantly feeling like you’re being let down, or letting your partner down?

Lack of trust – this one says it all. Do you feel like you can’t trust your partner? Are broken promises the rule, not the exception, in your relationship? Trust is an integral part of mutual support and understanding – without it, the relationship is lost.

You don’t spend time together – if you isolate yourselves from each other to avoid conflict, you are only creating feelings of mistrust and miscommunication.

Miscommunication – does it feel like the two of you can’t talk without one taking something the wrong way, or the other saying something they didn’t mean? The solution is not to avoid each other; it’s learning how to communicate effectively.

If you are experiencing any or more of these situations, we now offer an immediate, lasting solution that works: Conflict Coach.

With Conflict Coach, you will learn that any conflict situation can be turned into a learning experience. We want to teach you the skills you need to do this, in a healthy way. We offer privacy and convenience, with one on one phone and online sessions at a low rate.

Please visit http://conflictcoach.me to get started.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Technorati Tags: aggression, appreciation, coach nora, conflict coach, conflict nora, conflict resolution, confrontation, feelings, forgiveness, negative emotions, relationship conflict, Relationships, verbal abuse

These are all normal reactions, as most confrontations are uncomfortable and anxiety-filled situations. However, there are some tricks and tips that can keep you focused and calm during a confrontation. The calmer you are, the better prepared you are to defend yourself, reach an agreement, or solve a problem.

Look at your goals; maybe some you’ve made that still haven’t gotten done. Is there something you really want, or want to see change, that hasn’t been finished because you’re afraid of the confrontation involved? If so, keep those things, the things worth fighting for, at the front of your mind. Don’t let yourself say, “Oh, I’ll get what I want some other day.” You can achieve it today, with a little push and determination.

Don’t try to read anyone’s mind. It may seem scary to think about interrupting someone and saying, “What did you mean by….?” However, asking for clarification is the best way to not only smooth the situation, but also give you a sense of power and control. Otherwise, it is one sided – you listen, and the other person rants. It may also make you feel better, to learn that someone didn’t mean it the way they said it.

Try to think of it as “negotiation,” not “confrontation.” When you think of it this way, you tell yourself that you have a stake in the outcome, and thus, you have a right to have your ideas heard, and your needs expressed. Again, telling yourself you have rights and a voice is a great way to make you feel empowered.

If you feel oppressed, ridiculed, or abused in any way, it’s important to take a step back, ask for a breather or a moment alone. Think carefully about the situation, and ask yourself whether you are overreacting, or whether there is more to it. If you feel it is some kind of abuse, or if you simply can’t decide for yourself, it may be time to ask a third party (mediator, therapist, etc.) to step in.

Remember that the idea of confrontation is communication – not control. When you are confronted about your behavior, or you confront someone else, the point is not for someone to be the “winner” or the one with more power. The point is merely to have problems addressed and hopefully worked out. Whether those problems are fully solved or not, you should still walk away feeling respectful of the other person, and in turn, respected by them.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Technorati Tags: aggression, anger, appreciation, communication, conflict, critique, feelings, forgiveness, goals, negative emotions, reconciliation

Of course, forceful change never works. In fact, the more you push for change, the more the other person will resist, right? As in this example:

“I have learned that the more I push for something, the more he pulls away from it. So, I have left projects of doing things together, even after a year of dating, in the back of my mind. Outwardly, I show him that the idea of moving in and sharing a life completely disinterests me now.

I wish he would be open to ideas and projects to do together and be willing to talk about things we wish for the future, even when they scare him, but it doesn’t happen…”

Sometimes, we project our dreams outside and hope that others will realize them, because we are insecure of our own power. The solution is really straightforward: we need to embrace the project, let our enthusiasm grow about it instead of hiding, and make this project part of our lives now and in the future.

And the other person? well, when we are not stopped by his/her resistance, and we get into our own power, the other person has a choice: either to look at his own interests and promote them, or drop out of your life. In short, owning your dreams makes you the owner of your own life…and forces you to find someone who can really share them.

Perhaps the old lesson: “you need to find your life’s purpose first and then find the people who can help you develop in that direction” continues being true?
3. “What I need is for my husband to let me know that he thinks my ideas and opinions are valid and well founded. Otherwise, he’s not treating me as his partner or his ally; he’s treating me as an enemy. He’s telling me that I don’t have the right to make decisions or have input.”

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Technorati Tags: appreciation, attitude change, forgiveness, Healthy Marriage, recognition, resilience

In this special time of the year, besides doing too many tasks together in order to make time to prepare for celebrations, we also have the opportunity to reflect on our deep values: love, companionship, respect for and appreciation of important people in our lives….

Here is a little story to invite us to focus on what we really cherish:

A Different Christmas Story

A week before Christmas, Dan came home from work late as usual. He found his 5-year-old son, Jack, waiting for him at the front door. After greeting him, his son nervously asked if he could ask him a question.
‘What is it’? Dan said, rather brusquely.
‘Daddy, how much do you earn in an hour?’
‘Why do you need to know that?’ Dan responded angrily.
‘I just need to know. Daddy, please tell me how much you make an hour?’
‘If you must know, I make $25 an hour.’
Oh,’ Jack replied, with his head down. and then:
‘Daddy, may I please borrow $10?’
Dan became exasperated, telling Jack to go straight to bed for wanting to waste money on some silly toy. The boy left quietly.
But when Dan had calmed down, he realized Jack never asked for money before. He wondered what he could have wanted it for. Dan went to the door of his son’s room and quietly asked his little boy if he was sleeping.
‘No daddy, I’m awake,’ replied Jack.
‘I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier’, said Dan. ‘It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you.’
‘Here’s the $10.00 you asked for.’
Jack sat up, smiled, gave his father a hug and cried ‘Thank you daddy!’ Then he reached under his pillow and pulled out some crumpled up notes. Dan noticed the money and began to get angry again.
‘Why did you want money if you already had some?’ He protested.
But his son was counting the money, and took a moment before looking at his father again.
‘Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do’, the little boy replied.
‘Daddy, I have $25 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?’
‘Please come home early on Christmas Eve so I get to have dinner with you.’
Dan felt horrible. He hugged his son and asked for his forgiveness: ‘I have been so blind to the need we have to be together! I will do better from now on!’

This is just a reminder to all of you who work so hard. You are in serious danger of confusing income with love…Please, don’t let time go by without sharing it with those who really matter to you, you will not remember later when money was short, but your loved ones will remember when love was abundant!

Watch your opportunities to touch the people around you, because they depend on your love. Then, pass this message on…Your friends and family will thank you!

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
3415 Galt Ocean Drive, Fort Lauderdale, FL, 33308

Technorati Tags: appreciation, attitude change, conflict resolution, feelings, forgiveness, happiness, healthy relationships, loneliness, love, recognition, reconciliation, understanding

No more family anger explosions leaving a sour taste in your memory, and in other’s memories for ever? Having the peace of mind that all family gatherings will proceed smoothly and that the little ones will not have an opportunity to feel scared again?

To be a safe and predictable person for those around you at home, it is essential that you are able to maintain your composure when you feel like your ‘buttons’ are being pushed. This strength will help you to achieve your goals in your personal life as well as your goals for your personal relationships.

1. If and when you feel some negative reaction, store that emotion and don’t act out on it. Force yourself to think: “I’ll deal with this tomorrow; not today!” So you can give yourself time to examine all aspects of the “offense” and verify if they are true…and if you need to respond. Some offenses are best left unattended and ignored.

2. Pay attention to others. Whatever they are telling you, make a purpose to send the message: “I understand what you are saying” and say it frequently, before (or instead of) offering advice.

3. Watch your emotions and make a point of not feeling immediately attacked or victimized. probably the other person doesn’t mean the comment in that way? It’s better to ask questions from the other person: “Is it true that you feel upset with me”

4. Take responsibility for your feelings, and don’t blame other people. It is not what they did to you, is your reaction to what others did….so watch this difference. So many times they are not doing things to aggravate you, they can be simply confused or distracted or careless…..

5. Take a playful attitude towards your angry persona…you can give it a name as in: “When I’m in my “Angry Joe” mode, I tend to think that everybody conspires against me, but afterwards I can see that it’s only my imagination…”Angry Joe” is very active paranoid self of mine, but I can control him…”

As time passes, you will be able to be more objective about your needs, your reactions, and learn that it is always a choice to get angry at others. You can choose instead to control your reactions, calm yourself and see this “Angry Joe” part of you as an old response that now needs to be excluded when answering to present challenges.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today, by offering you this ebook about how you can recover from anger explosions.

Technorati Tags: anger, angry husband, attitude change, control, emotions, feelings, forgiveness, healthy relationships, hidden anger, resentment, respect, Self-Esteem, verbal abuse