Survive a Marital Crisis by Loving Better

Many people in a marital crisis think of it as a sign that everything is over and it’s time to say good bye. But that mentality denies you an important opportunity to examine what went wrong and fix it. Saving a marriage starts by reinventing it, and reinventing starts with examination.

For example, one crisis may be originated because your partner fantasizes about another person, and may even have acted on those fantasies. An often sought solution is to accuse the person of infidelity and demand loyalty. A better solution that may save the relationship and make it better than it was is to ask questions. Not, “Why was I not good enough,” but, “What is pushing them away from me?” and, “What do they need emotionally that they’re not getting?”

Blaming your partner for a crisis and making yourself pitiable does not work at saving the marriage or even saving face after the marriage ends. It creates bitterness that wounds you day after day.

It is understandable that you love your partner and don’t want to lose this person, but by blaming, you make demands and try to force them to love you back. If you truly love them, you need to fix what you may have done to push them away first – otherwise, it will happen all over again, whether it’s a month, a year, or a decade later.

Show your partner through positive actions as well as words that you understand what it is that went wrong and are honestly committed to saving the relationship. If this sounds pushover-ish, think for a moment. Every action has a cause. People in loving relationships do not suddenly break away and chase another lover for no reason. Sometimes we unintentionally place demands and stress on someone else, and they end up leaving us behind. This is not an irreversible practice.

What kind of actions would show this kind of commitment? Think not only about what you like and what you love, but what the other person values and needs. Maybe you’ve been blind to those things all along.

Neil Warner

Neil Warner

I'm the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don't have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

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