Roadmap for a healthy marriage

Do you want the map for a healthy marriage?

I want to share these six commandments for an amazing marriage with you, from a friendly blog. Follow them and you’ll do great!

1. COMMITMENT

• Be faithful – thou shalt not steal thy neighbor’s wife/husband – infidelity is not about sex but trust (which is 90% of communication!)
• Work at it: the marriages that really work and last are the ones that receive a lot of attention! Little gifts, compliments, surprises, affections and love notes.
• Fall in love with the same person day after day: what was most love-able about your partner? Why did you fall in love in the beginning?
• It’s not about you—it’s about us! The difference between “I-llness” and “WE-llness” is clear.
• Keep a united front—don’t critique your partner in front of others, especially your children and in-laws and close friends.
• Take continuing education courses in marriage: love is an art and a skill—and can be developed and perfected

2.   TIME TOGETHER

• Date night weekly: keep the luster of love alive!
• Spend time together—and alone: each needs one night a week alone to pursue unique interests and one night a week together to check in!
• Play sports together: tennis, golf whatever–even if it’s only cards or dominoes and power walking.
• Take mini-vacations with and away from each other: you need personal time and together time, family time and alone time.
• Find a hobby that takes you away one night a week—to grow and become more loveable.
• Be best friends: what do best friends do, share, and celebrate?
• Remember why you got married: why you were and could be again attracted.
• Don’t let children rule your life: baby sitters are expensive; divorce is more expensive!

 3.   APPRECIATION

• Say I love you everyday—and mean it. Of course, your partner knows that you love her/him—but they still need to hear it out loud–and you do, too!
• Express your gratitude to and for one another. The attitude of gratitude is the key to happiness—and is very easy to do it.
• Be generous with your heart, time and possessions. Sharing our oh-so-limited time in today’s full-booked world is the most precious gift.
• Be each others head cheerleader. Isn’t it refreshing to hear a spouse complimenting or even bragging about their spouse who isn’t present?
• Learn to love your spouse’s family—and be a part of it…how often I hear “I’m marrying her—not her family.” Guess what: they are part of her!
• Brag about your spouse to others—especially to family—and in that way you compliment BOTH: the person and their roots!
• Remember that your spouse is not an extension of you: you compliment, challenge, enrich and ennoble one another.
• People change, and the point of marriage is to grow together: women think their men will change, and they don’t; men think their women will never change, and they do!

 4.   COMMUNICATION

• Listen, trust, play, write notes, send phone messages, keep talking to your partner, whatever happens!
• Honesty, intimacy, and equality—all are crucial and intimacy is more important than sex!
• Laughter: to be healthy, happy and whole, our hearts need 32 laughs and 9 hugs a day—how’s your average?
• Just say YES to your mother-in-law: keep her happy, young and lovely because your bride is likely to end up just like that someday.
• Fight fair: women have much better memories because they attach emotion; but no fair bringing up the past he has probably forgotten.
• Make love wonderfully—and often; most women and men seem to need intercourse twice a week!
• Remember to say “I’m sorry” and “Thank you”—courtesies are always right and appreciated.
• Turn off the TV during dinner: TV is a communication killer! Watching TV—especially during meals—should be declared a mortal sin.
• Be honest—but don’t always say everything on your mind: tell the truth but always with kindness; don’t use your partner as a dumping ground.
• Sacred time and sacred space: one room in your home is sanctuary, safe harbor, safe space; one hour a week is for love only.

5.   SPIRITUAL WELLNESS

• Pray together; share your faith–the family that prays together stays together.
• Create spiritual connections: volunteer the precious gift of your time for others.
• Keeping in shape and eating healthy foods shows you care: men think their woman will never change and she does; women imagine they will change their men and they don’t change.
• Take care of your self—no one else can make you happy; happiness like love is an inside job—it begins with you and within you.
• Volunteer to serve others; the best cure for depression and discouragement is reaching out to others—puts your problems in perspective.

 6.   COPING WITH CRISIS

• Know that you are strong enough to make your marriage what you want it to be and become; you cannot change anyone else but when you change you, everyone else in your network mysteriously somehow changes…
• Pick your battles—not everything needs to be a big deal: in fact, scribble a note and address the issues together at the end of the week.
• Share your pain: remember that life is full of suffering, and when you realize that truth, it doesn’t hurt so much: have and be a friend.
• Forgive: forgiveness works miracles, forgiveness relieves stress and strain, forgiveness is the gift you give yourself: LET GO, LET GOD.
• Crises (illness, losses…) magnify whatever is there: the strong get stronger, the weak get weaker.
• Expect hard times—all marriages endure difficult times: most experience three major walls: after 2-7 years; after 12-15 years; after 25-30 years and menopause (male and female!)
• Keep it simple—don’t complicate your lives—life is challenging enough without added complications.