Pent up Anger is Past Anger

couple fighting

couple fighting

Why are there some people more angry than others? Life is an equal opportunity "dissapointer" ...in the sense that there is not a universal right to happiness for anybody. So why some people appear to have more anger issues than others?

It all begins, of course, in infancy, where we all as children have a keen sense of what is just. A lot of things that happen to us are basically gross unfairness. Being told that we are stupid, or lazy, or worthless by the same people who are supposed to love us; being denied acceptance or appreciation and affection are all crimes against young souls that can't defend themselves...only register the hurt. So we can share the basic definition of anger, as:

"Anger is the emotional response to real or perceived injustice."

Now, whenever we don't receive what we think is fair, or just, we get angry in such a way that people see us as having anger problems.

What we don't perceive today is the hidden pressure of the old, childhood anger...If we did not have the opportunity to reckon how wrong we were treated when growing up, and heal our anger issues, then we pile up a long repressed sense of "world injustice done to us" and are more prone to react with strong feelings to any present provocations...

This old anger has been for a long time in need of healing. If we can come across this process of searching for and identifying the old wounds and accepting them, we can be in the best path for dealing with anger in the right way. We need to face old feelings of resentment because being mistreated and humiliated. It will allow us to reconnect with repressed aspects of our self, and with the true sense of what was just (or not) done to us, but also with forgiveness and appreciation.

Want to let go of resentment? Then stop controlling anger and begin accepting that you have deep reasons to be angry, that you are angry with people from your past, not people from your present, and that the situations and people of the present who make you angry now are poor substitutes for your real targets.

Basically, the best anger management process is locating the first hurts received in our lives, processing them by forgiving our parents for being so horrible raising us (they did the best they could, which wasn't a lot for most of us) and letting go of the historic injustice.

Then now you can look around at your anger targets of today, and laugh at them because they can't be worst than your parents, even if they try!

Neil Warner

Neil Warner

I'm the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don't have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

 

  1. Betterstill, 18 May, 2012

    What is a good response to a spouse who doesn’t see a need to make improvements in life; rather denies or passes it off?

  2. Neil Warner, 18 May, 2012

    Well, that is a tough issue, because that person doesn’t understand that the essence of marriage is permanent growth and development through experiences in a relationship. You are faced with a refusal to understand, grow and develop together! is more or less, a sabotage to the marriage task of helping each other grow up.  
    You will have, sooner or later, to face your own life purpose and decide if you are going to drop it, to follow your spouse, or to be loyal to yourself and do what needs to be done to keep yourself growing…
    Perhaps planning some conversations in a peaceful way can help you help your partner to shoulder his/her responsibility? If you need some help with the exact words to invite this person to a deep talk, we can help…

  3. Betterstill, 18 May, 2012

    Thank you for the reply. Do you really see results with intervention? I’ll combine being loyal to oneself as continuing to grow through your purpose. Is this what you mean?
    The system would not allow me to contact you for consult..

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