Learn to produce word magic in your relationship!

LEARN HOW TO APPRECIATE YOUR PARTNER!

healthy marriage

(This message goes to the male side of a marriage, because it looks like they need some help in making magically feel the other side loved)

Noticing a woman makes her feel alive. It makes her feel as if she matters to you. When she feels as if she is invisible, a little part of the love she felt in the beginning dies.
Given that marriage is a an interactive process, not a static one, your input on whatever she does confirms to her that you are part of the game, as she is. If you said nothing and noticed nothing when she made changes or gone out of her way to look pretty, or gone to some extra effort to please you, or to solve your needs.
Getting a compliment out when she says something intelligent, makes the right decision or acts in a way that makes everybody happy, should be the norm for you…remember that the best definition for a marriage is:

” A society of mutual admiration”

You have to make a conscious decision to learn how to verbalize approval or appreciation. Even if you are happy with all she does, she still needs you to verbalize this satisfaction. Saying nothing feels like ignoring her on purpose, and it hurts.

Giving appreciation is based on specific behaviors, personally observed by the person doing the appreciating. Is behavior over which the person has control, and is responsible for. And it has to be well-timed, at the earliest opportunity after the behavior has occurred.

How do you do an appreciation message?

It has Three Parts, very easy to remember:
“When you” (here mention the good behavior) “I felt” (so, you are engaged as the witness) “because” (here describe the impact of the issue on you).

Examples:

“When I saw the flowers on the table this morning, I felt so happy, because you managed to get my favorite color of roses!”

“When I see you teaching the kids how to use the bike safely, I feel very protected, because you covered everything, not only giving them a bike!”

 

THAT IS ALL! very easy, right?  and when you remember to do it in a consistent basis, you will have the happiest partner in the world! Now, can you answer below with some similar example? Or tell us why you would like to have some appreciation in your life? Let’s have a conversation about producing word magic in our relationships…


Comments

  1. After years of anger at my husband, I read one of the Femenia-Warren books, and it reminded me that one catches more flies with honey. Since reading, I have attempted to speak to my husband in a solely positive and encouraging tone. Things aren’t fixed, but they ARE much better.

    A caveat: Femenia and Warren warn wives that they cannot fix their husbands. This is very true — and a departure from other manuals that encourage the wife to adopt a therapist’s stance. This is a mistake.

    Femenia’s and Warren’s advice will help wives negotiate a better relationship with a passive-aggressive husband, but the husband still needs to be in therapy for himself.