Conflict at the holidays can be overwhelming and most people dread it so much that just the anxiety over possible conflict can bring down the entire mood of the holidays for them. Somehow it feels to most people who despite what they may or may not know about conflict as a healthy human interaction, fighting at the holidays is wrong. The belief is that the holidays are full of peace, love and joy and that conflict is the opposite. However, without conflict, peace, love and joy are much more difficult to achieve.
Conflict occurs when we let each other know that we need something to change. It is only the way we let them know, they way in which we fight, that is either negative or positive. Healthy conflict and fighting fair can calmly and comfortably bring about change that will help a relationship to overcome obstacles and move forward.
The holidays are full of tense moments for many people during which they meet people with whom they have had negative conflict in the past. They are still stuck at the same obstacle, with the added hurt and frustration of having had a “bad fight.” Simply due to the nature of most families, conflict was never something changed, resolved or made positive. It does take work to learn new conflict skills and patience to put them to work with people who do not have those same skills. But learning positive conflict can give you immediate results in staying calm, being more accepting, feeling less guilt, and both understand others’ needs and fulfilling your own.
This season, learn about positive conflict and apply your new fair fighting skills to your relationships.