Happiness is managing disputes fairly and lovingly

When we were young, and just in love, having a dispute with your loved one did feel like a disaster. The first days were heaven on earth then something happened and the day after was hell on earth. Day two then is attached to negative feelings such as: anger, fear, distress, disgust, loneliness. We find ourselves afterwards confused and wanting the first days back....knowing perfectly well that we can't escape the sad memory of the pain of conflict.

What does our mind now do? It goes back to the beginning and wonders: Why is it that every day can't be as perfect as those first days? We then idealize the memory of day one, compare with the bitter flavor of the dispute and use the opportunity to feel completely, totally unhappy! The dreams of perfect love block our more reasonable vision of the relationship as a process of growing intimacy with its ups and downs. This can get out of hand and become a cycle that feeds on itself, if we really need some deep distress in our lives...

The media reflects back to us multiple images of the dream, the impeccable relationship without disputes. Is this real? Of course not, but is a beautiful fantasy....and sometimes we prefer the refuge of a magnificent illusion than our pedestrian reality.

To live happily, us humans need at least a modicum of more positive emotions than negative ones. What experience brings is the knowledge that you will have confrontations; that those disputes will not destroy you if you process them with good will and patience, and that something will be learned trough confrontation and clarification....

If we can only stop clinging to idealized images of impossible perfection, and learn how to work through conflicts in our love life, using fair fighting it would be easier to feel empowered and in control and able to building positive emotions in the relationship, right?

NoraNora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.

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