Are you feeling lonely this Holiday?
Here we are again, looking at a new holiday season. It provides us with several opportunities to reevaluate where we are and who loves us... and who doesn't. Perhaps this year the holidays are helping you find ways to reconnect again, and bridge past conflicts!
Here are some suggestions for a “Blues Free” celebration!
What is the most important element in your relationships with others this Holiday Season? To be based on positive feelings of belonging and love, right?
This season is the time of the year where families come closer to celebrate, and also a period where we check ourselves. Do you find too much grief in your situation? Have you had a big confrontation this year with a loved one? Perhaps you saw a good relationship fizzle and disappear because there was love, but also too much confrontation and you both never learned how to manage conflict and differences without inflicting permanent wounds?
If you carry on baggage of past painful misunderstandings or love/hate relationships, the end of the year is also a period where you may feel stressed and depressed, and your heart filled with sadness and regret. Worst, you can be feeling alone and isolated from the people you love! Where is the acceptance and recognition that you, as everybody else, crave?
It is possible to change those feelings, by taking some positive actions to improve your present relationships. If you take positive action now to truly understand what those conflicts are about, you will be in a better place to take corrective actions, and bring those you truly love closer to you.
Even if not everything can be fixed now, some gestures of good will, done sincerely will give you peace of mind because you will have made honest attempts to improve the situation. Damaged relationships carry a lot of hurt and resentment and it may take some time for things to settle down, if there is a sustained effort at making things right again.
So put your plan A today in action, and have a better, purposefully tailored holiday season. End of the year blues can be avoided if you act now on purpose to improve your relationships.
Forget the past confrontation, family is family. Do a 'good will gesture' as sending flowers or a food present to the house of the person you miss more. Write a nice card, saying only something like: "appreciating your love, always"
Put time aside to be able to share and talk. Visit people and ask simply for a little time to talk. You can also offer to only focus on the positive aspects of the history. Forget if you were right or not; DO NOT mention negative aspects of the past. Do not bring up "the fact that you are right..." Forget the fight and try to find the positive aspects of the relationship, and say that you are grateful for those aspects.
Do a little reconciliation: offer an apology for your share of the problems; be grateful if the other side is willing to spend time with you. You could be so brave as to ask for his/her suggestions about improving the relationship in the future!
Whatever your feelings are, DO NOT give in to depression and disappear: be present in any way you can: flowers, card, phone call. And move on: find friends who can invite you to their party, and don't be afraid to ask for an invitation.
Not ready to face anyone yet?
Organize your holidays: have a clear idea of what you are going to do. If not sharing time with family, find friends, or go volunteer in a church or charity organization to help with holiday preparations.
You will find people there who will see and recognize you as a wonderful, generous person. Take that recognition, because that is what you need. Perhaps after the holidays, it helps you think a plan to restore relationships with the people you love for next year!
If there is a need for a short phone coaching call, let me know...We always offer them at conflictcoach.me!