Along the days and the years of your marriage, perhaps you were all the time completely aware of the nagging feeling haunting you…perhaps a tiny question: is this all? IS THIS RELATIONSHIP BE LIKE IT IS NOW FOR EVER?
You knew that there was not a lot of growth; more or less, both were growing old with the same attitudes, negativity and pettiness of the first times.
So what? most of people endure mediocre marriages, you would mutter to yourself. And perhaps it’s true that you were destined to this monotony, where no excitement endures. What made it worst was the constant negative nagging, commenting and observing always the dark, unresolved side of things. Why to be optimist in this world, where there is so much pain and trouble? he would say.
Even then, you kept waiting; perhaps some behavior you could not define and ask for. Now, perhaps, you know better: you would like to have some joy, some positive view of life to tide both over everyday challenges and put a smile in your face.
There is this basic solution: make an effort to stop negativity. Nobody has the right to poison every day’s mood with a negative comment, and now you want it to stop.
Perhaps you can say to him: “It doesn’t matter if this is your truth or not, if you are going to say something negative, I ask you to think twice before doing it. You have the right to think as you do; but in this shared household I have the right to avoid this kind of poison. If you say something negative about me, the house, our relatives, or life in general, I will consider it as poisonous as second hand smoke, and will leave the room without previous notice. I want to hear positive expressions that reinforce my belief in life as worth living; nothing else will do. So, now that you are warned, I hope that you will understand if I refuse to hear your negative comments, as if I was deaf, and not answer them. I will ignore any negativity. Thanks for paying attention to my decision.”
Now is the time to take yourself seriously. Walk out and don’t allow any negative comment get to you. Perhaps you can think of other external activities to do when you walk out of the house, and have this list ready, so you can be busy and doing things that give you joy while leaving the negativity behind.
Isn’t it easy? taking yourself seriously means that your daily well being is in your hands…walk out on abuse; don’ reject or challenge it, but walk out into pleasure activities. Even having a walk by yourself will be more beneficial than listening to abusive and mean comments.
Neil Warner
Speak Your Mind
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