Destroying love, one bit at the time

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There is a slow way of killing the reciprocal love we all begin our married life with....composed of small, daily disappointments that will end up destroying reciprocal respect.

What are they? Here is the list of all communication activities that enforce the idea that one spouse is better than the other:

  • interruption of spouse's explanation or story;
  • knowing better and correcting all the time: "no, it's not x, it's z";
  • talking down (voice intonation);
  • reacting as if something done by the other is grave; irreparable, and has no redemption (when it is a normal behavior, not a crime);
  • saying "yes" to requests and then ignoring them, (no apologies or mention of the promised action);
  • carving personal spaces from mutual ones, without negotiation;
  • making important decisions about money or property unilaterally;
  • offering advice relentlessly and without being requested;
  • saying "I would done completely opposite of you...";
  • being amazed at "wow, we are sooo different!" instead of focusing on similarities;
  • invading personal spaces of the other person without even recognizing doing that;
  • focusing on negative aspects of the partner, being blind to the positives;
  • making silly jokes with your friends, where the spouse is the joke target;
  • being blind to feelings of isolation, sadness and grief in spouse;
  • offering fake comfort: "this also will pass" instead of a real hug
I know, this is a very depressing list....sure you are not doing all but one or two? And what would take for you to change that attitude into the contrary? Like inviting to share a decision before making it? Like begin to appreciate your spouse, instead of offering only critique? Remember that the survival of good feelings in your most important relationship is depending on you doing little, but constant positive actions to your spouse. If you need help with ideas, well, there are always conflict coaching sessions waiting for you!
NoraNora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her coaching blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://conflictcoach.me.
  1. Btoth31, 05 April, 2011

    You forgot the most important one. Destroying trust with lie upon lie

  2. Nora Femenia, 05 April, 2011

    You are right! this is very important…takes you for an idiot, unable to distinguish between a fabrication and the truth! Thanks

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