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	<title>CREATIVE CONFLICT RESOLUTIONS &#187; Anger Management</title>
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	<link>http://creativeconflicts.com</link>
	<description>Transforming Differences to Love Connections!</description>
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		<title>Emotions, the Hidden Engine of our Decisions!</title>
		<link>http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/03/emotions-the-hidden-engine-of-our-decisions/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=emotions-the-hidden-engine-of-our-decisions</link>
		<comments>http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/03/emotions-the-hidden-engine-of-our-decisions/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 12 Mar 2012 17:05:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nora Femenia</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anger Management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-Esteem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[attitude change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional decision-making]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[feelings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healthy relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[negative emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[reconciliation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://creativeconflicts.com/?p=1355</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[How under each decision our emotions are hiding, looking for satisfaction first, and then we get to rationalize our decision.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[      
      <p>Here’s some new content, inspired by a curated lens from Squidoo on <a href="http://www.squidoo.com/thinking-feeling-doing">Emotional Health</a>. Do you know what your emotions are making you do?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What if you could harness them <strong>to get what you really want out of life? <a href="http://www.tomkins.org/">Dr. Silvan S. Tomkins</a></strong> has suggested through his work that <strong>we do the things we do in our lives because of how we feel</strong>. That is, we are not all as rational as we thought!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"> Our emotions, even when we don’t recognize them or define them consciously, drive us to make decisions and choose actions.To understand this better (perhaps you’re saying, “No, I’m completely rational!”), think about it in this way. Dr. Tomkins states that being interested in something is a feeling or emotion. That interest then motivates you to act or speak.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">So, think about the last time you were interested in doing something. Did you come up with that interest in a logical way (reason), or was it a gut instinct/attraction (emotion)?This, in the end, helps us to understand that when we plan out our lives, and live them each day, our deep interests and desires are driving us to act.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"> You might think that working a 9 to 5 job is not the result of your emotions, but if you employ your reason, you will probably find that it is: perhaps you are interested in the money, which translates to happiness for you. Perhaps you are interested in the power of one day getting the top position at your company, or the distant possibility of doing something great in the company’s market sector. Or… perhaps you are hiding in a cubicle because you fear that you will fail if you try to do greater things.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"> When we are infants and young children, we feel more often than we use cognitive processes (think). Our interests are simple: food, shelter, warmth, play, love… i.e., – <strong>HAPPINESS!   </strong> Those feelings still drive us (because who doesn’t want to be happy?), but as adults we’re taught to “think logically” and not let emotion rule us. We think you could have the best of both worlds instead of being pulled in opposite directions.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">If you put your brain to work, and look deeper for an explanation of what you’re feeling and why, you could end up creating a life plan that actually makes sense to you, that gives you <strong>actual fulfillment</strong> by pursuing it. Remember, pursuing happiness can be just as rewarding as achieving it!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">If you need help <strong>getting your emotions to “explain themselves,”</strong> you can talk to one of our coaches in a private, one on one phone session.</p>
<div style="text-align: justify;">Visit us at <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/services">Conflict Coach</a> to schedule a meeting, your first consultation is free!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"></div>
<div class="noraauthor" style="text-align: justify;"><img class="alignleft" src="/images/nora1.jpg" alt="Nora" /><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/about/" rel="author">Nora Femenia</a> is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation at <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
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<div id="crp_related"><h3>Related Posts:</h3><ul><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/01/our-brains-create-more-conflict-than-we-do/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">So you believe to be a rational decision-maker? How wrong can you be?</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/10/can-emotional-fitness-be-taught-yes/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Can Emotional Fitness Be Taught? Yes!</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/03/surprise-you-are-happiest-when-sharing-issues-making-your-husband-unhappy/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Surprise! you are happiest when sharing issues making your husband unhappy!</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/03/a-better-relationship-means-telling-your-partner-where-it-hurts/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">A Better Relationship Means Telling Your Partner Where it Hurts</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2008/12/63/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Emotions, Conflict Resolution and Peacemaking</a></li></ul></div>
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<p class='technorati-tags'>Technorati Tags: <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/appreciation' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>appreciation</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/attitude+change' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>attitude change</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/emotional+decision-making' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>emotional decision-making</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/emotions' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>emotions</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/feelings' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>feelings</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/healthy+relationships' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>healthy relationships</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/negative+emotions' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>negative emotions</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/reconciliation' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>reconciliation</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/resilience' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>resilience</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/Self-Esteem' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>Self-Esteem</a></p>

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		<item>
		<title>Don’t Let Work Aggression Spread to Your Home</title>
		<link>http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/02/dont-let-work-aggression-spread-to-your-home/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=dont-let-work-aggression-spread-to-your-home</link>
		<comments>http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/02/dont-let-work-aggression-spread-to-your-home/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 17 Feb 2012 20:16:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alfaprima</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anger Management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship Repair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[angry husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[confrontation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[critique]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[domestic violence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[frustration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[verbal abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[workplace anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[workplace stress]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://creativeconflicts.com/?p=1298</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[      
      Today we’ll highlight an issue that affects most of us: balancing workplace conflict with our home life. We’re all guilty of letting our frustration at work spread to our homes, but do we always notice it? And what are the effects?Here’s an interesting article from Scientific American that might open your eyes. “If you think that [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[      
      <div>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Today we’ll highlight an issue that affects most of us: balancing workplace conflict with our home life. We’re all guilty of letting our frustration at work spread to our homes, but do we always notice it? And what are the effects?Here’s an interesting article from <a href="http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=ripples-of-rudeness">Scientific American</a> that might open your eyes. “If you think that nasty co-worker is creating problems for you alone, think again. His rudeness may have a ripple effect that extends as far as your spouse’s workplace.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">A recent study at Baylor University found that working with horrible colleagues can generate far-reaching stress that follows you home, causing unhappiness for your spouse and family and ultimately affecting your partner’s job.&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">The study was published in August in the Journal of Organizational Behavior. According to the author of this study, Merideth J. Ferguson, exposure to rudeness at work resulted in stress for the family as well as the partner. What she also discovered (but you probably know already) is that there is a direct relation between rudeness experienced at work, and how stressful the workplace felt.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What we may not think as deeply about is what else Ferguson found: when you are exposed to rudeness on a regular basis (in the form of unkindness, humiliation, etc) you can lose self-esteem, or become anxious or depressed.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">As we discussed on this blog before, low self-esteem and anxiety can cause you to behave in ways that aren’t conducive to your life emotional balance or your family’s. You may be irritable, aggressive, use the silent treatment, avoid conflict, or be excessively critical of others. All of that creates hostility at home, which is the last thing you need!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">So, what can you do if you are being exposed to rudeness and conflict at work?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Ferguson suggested that being mindful of where you are (home, not work) and what you are doing can help you separate things in your mind. However, sometimes it’s hard for us to concentrate fully on our family and friends when our day has been really stressful. For that reason, it’s important to find someone you can talk to about the issues you’re having and how they’re making you feel.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that if your behavior towards your family has been negative because of your stress at work, they may not be receptive to you at first. It’s important that in this case, you talk to a counselor about your stress. They can teach you stress-management techniques that you can use directly in the workplace.</p>
<p>If you’re struggling with rude or aggressive behaviors in the workplace, we also have a resource available for your use, at <a href="http://passiveaggressiveworkplace.com">Passive Aggressive Workplace</a>.</p>
<p>Quotes from: <a href="http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=ripples-of-rudeness">Workplace Rudeness Has a Ripple Effect</a></p>
</div>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation at <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
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<p class='technorati-tags'>Technorati Tags: <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/aggression' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>aggression</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/angry+husband' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>angry husband</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/conflict' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>conflict</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/confrontation' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>confrontation</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/critique' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>critique</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/domestic+violence' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>domestic violence</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/emotions' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>emotions</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/frustration' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>frustration</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/Healthy+Marriage' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>Healthy Marriage</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/verbal+abuse' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>verbal abuse</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/workplace+anger' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>workplace anger</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/workplace+stress' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>workplace stress</a></p>

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		<title>So you believe to be a rational decision-maker? How wrong can you be?</title>
		<link>http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/01/our-brains-create-more-conflict-than-we-do/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=our-brains-create-more-conflict-than-we-do</link>
		<comments>http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/01/our-brains-create-more-conflict-than-we-do/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:19:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alfaprima</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anger Management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage and Communications]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship Repair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[attitude change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Cold Shoulder]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict resolution]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[croc brain]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional decision-making]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[negative emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[old brain]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rejection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-Esteem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[threat]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://creativeconflicts.com/?p=1244</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[New research is turning our old assumptions on human nature on their heads...like the belief that humans are rational decision-makers. They are emotional decision-makers...and this new framing opens a world of new possibilities for understand our behavior.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[      
      <p style="text-align: justify;">According to researchers of the brain, we all make most decisions based on emotions and passions. Surprising, right? It challenges the common notion that we are logical decision-makers, and that emotions (when uncontrolled) are part of the immature self.. As much as we may try to pretend otherwise, in our natural state, we really only use rational thinking when we have to justify our emotion-driven decisions.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">The emotional side that makes our decisions has been charmingly called “the old brain.” The old brain doesn’t understand words (a product of reason), but it does understand threats, survival and reproduction.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">This changes up the way we think of conflict. It’s no longer a perceived difference of rational opinions (Wikipedia); there is the new idea that conflicts are emotional, in and of themselves. Conflicts seem reason-driven because they are covered up by a cost-analysis rationalization that legitimizes the confrontation.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Here is how the human brain works:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>The new brain thinks: it processes rational data.</li>
<li>The middle brain feels: It processes emotions and gut feelings.</li>
<li>The old brain decides: it takes into account the input from the other two brains, but it is the actual trigger of the decision. In other words, the old brain is the boss.</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">This idea is very practical, because day to day, we can ask ourselves: what primordial needs has my old brain today?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Do I feel insecure in my relationship or my job?<br />
Do I feel threatened?<br />
Is there some basic anxiety around my gut today?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">After that, the path is clear: your job is to activate your middle and new brains and evaluate those panic triggers that the older brain is activating:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Is a sure thing that you will starve today?<br />
Are there enemies at your door or is it a simple alarming noise?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">In this way, we avoid making decisions ruled by the survival brain, the older one! Our decisions will be more rational and emotional if we evaluate and discard the messages from the older brain. The point is not necessarily to avoid all conflict the old brain alerts us to, but we can learn to separate defense mechanisms (being unnecessarily aggressive with a co-worker) from constructive conflict (a discussion about how to reprimand your children).</p>
<div class="noraauthor" style="text-align: justify;"><img class="alignleft" src="/images/nora1.jpg" alt="Nora" /><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/about/" rel="author">Nora Femenia</a> is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation at <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
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<p class='technorati-tags'>Technorati Tags: <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/aggression' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>aggression</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/attitude+change' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>attitude change</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/Cold+Shoulder' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>Cold Shoulder</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/conflict+resolution' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>conflict resolution</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/control' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>control</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/croc+brain' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>croc brain</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/emotional+decision-making' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>emotional decision-making</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/emotions' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>emotions</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/happiness' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>happiness</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/negative+emotions' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>negative emotions</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/old+brain' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>old brain</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/rejection' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>rejection</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/Self-Esteem' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>Self-Esteem</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/threat' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>threat</a></p>

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		<title>New Year&#8217;s Resolutions Doomed to Fail?</title>
		<link>http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/01/new-years-resolutions-doomed-to-fail/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=new-years-resolutions-doomed-to-fail</link>
		<comments>http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/01/new-years-resolutions-doomed-to-fail/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 02 Jan 2012 22:00:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alfaprima</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anger Management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship Repair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-Esteem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[attitude change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[confrontation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[critique]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[feelings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fight]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[frustration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healthy relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://creativeconflicts.com/?p=1234</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[      
      Isn&#8217;t it wonderful how we submit to the pixie dust of year end&#8217;s magic? besides running here and there to present our best image, our best table and food, our best dress, house, etc, we also enter into a magic territory when it is necessary to design vital goals for us. Because? Just because now, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[      
      <div>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Isn&#8217;t it wonderful how we submit to the pixie dust of year end&#8217;s magic? besides running here and there to present our best image, our best table and food, our best dress, house, etc, we also enter into a magic territory when it is necessary to design vital goals for us. Because? Just because now, only now, there is an open door to making them happen!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Yeah, right.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Year after year we have promised ourselves to exercise more, eat better and fight fair with our loved ones. It&#8217;s not that we ignore the improvement areas in our lives, far from that! Is that it looks more and more like a dialogue of deaf people, an impossible conversation between out higher self images, provided by the more developed parts of our brain, and an old, reptilian core of primitive survival forces located at the base of our head.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">We, rational beings, know exactly how much good it would do us to keep an exercise structure&#8230;and cherish this wish as if we had an only rational decision-maker in our brain. What is what we deny or ignore? Other parts of our brain&#8230;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Even when we don&#8217;t know it, we are split and two parts of our brain compete for dominance. Facing a threat to the status quo, your reptilian brain reacts automatically to this planned change as an imaginary attack to the status quo.  What are the choices that the rational, thinking cortex has of winning and imposing an excellent program of exercise over this primal resistance? Almost zero.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">The brain stem is the oldest and smallest region in the evolving human brain. It evolved hundreds of millions of years ago and is more like the entire brain of present-day reptiles. For this reason, it is often called the &#8216;reptilian brain&#8217;. Group of cells in the brain stem determine the brain&#8217;s general level of alertness and regulate the vegetative processes of the body such as breathing and heartbeat.  It&#8217;s concerned with fundamental needs such as survival, physical maintenance, hoarding, dominance, preening and mating. The basic ruling emotions of love, hate, fear, lust, and contentment are generated from this first stage of the brain.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Everything else, (including our self improvement plans) the reptilian brain ignores or leaves behind.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">How can you convince your primitive brain that losing weight and starting a running program will be beneficial? Not with logic, of course! The primitive brain continues to feel only basic emotions&#8230;.so you need to make a nice package:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Wanna change a big part of your personality, like beginning therapy, stoping smoking or controlling anger in your relationship? These are major changes, so you need to plan for the component of seducing your older brain into loving the new activity.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">~Convince yourself that you are not changing your life because of running, you are only &#8220;adding up to life maintenance routines&#8221; feel proud about that;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">~Remember the previous (and smaller) behaviors in each time of your life (like when you did learn meditation), recover that attitude and then teach yourself anger management techniques&#8230;they are only a continuation of what your brain already knows!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">~ In short, you are embracing the basic brain reactions, and building upon them, not uprooting them. We yield to our primitive, survival emotions by accepting them and building upon them&#8230;Nothing wrong to include a plan to deal with our basic resistance while dreaming with new behaviors promised in our new year resolutions, but keep in touch with your reptilian core&#8230;and throw it a bone! Otherwise, your dreams will go up in smoke as last year!</p>
<p dir="ltr">
<div class="neilauthor"><div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div></p>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation at <a title="Get Started Now!" rel="nofollow" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
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<div id="crp_related"><h3>Related Posts:</h3><ul><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/01/our-brains-create-more-conflict-than-we-do/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">So you believe to be a rational decision-maker? How wrong can you be?</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/09/teach-your-brain-to-accept-healthy-love/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Teach Your Brain to Accept Healthy Love</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2010/06/love-is-a-powerful-force/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Love is a powerful force!</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/03/what-child-abuse-does-to-the-brain/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">What Child Abuse Does to The Brain</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/05/would-you-program-your-brain-for-high-self-esteem/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Would you Program Your Brain for High Self-Esteem?</a></li></ul></div>
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<p class='technorati-tags'>Technorati Tags: <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/anger' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>anger</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/attitude+change' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>attitude change</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/confrontation' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>confrontation</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/critique' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>critique</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/emotions' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>emotions</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/feelings' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>feelings</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/fight' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>fight</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/frustration' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>frustration</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/happiness' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>happiness</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/healthy+relationships' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>healthy relationships</a></p>

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		<title>Can Relationship Repair Save Your Marriage?</title>
		<link>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/12/can-relationship-repair-save-your-marriage/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=can-relationship-repair-save-your-marriage</link>
		<comments>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/12/can-relationship-repair-save-your-marriage/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 05 Dec 2011 20:07:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alfaprima</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anger Management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage and Communications]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship Repair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[human needs]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://creativeconflicts.com/?p=1194</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[      
      Let&#8217;s remember the basic facts: women and men are basically different. Furthermore, their desire to live together doesn&#8217;t make the differences disappear &#8211; thinking that confrontations will magically not happen is even more magic! Partners need a protocol to manage inevitable confrontations and they need to know how to do relationship repair. Managing confrontations can [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[      
      <div>
<p>Let&#8217;s remember the basic facts: women and men are basically different.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Furthermore, their desire to live together doesn&#8217;t make the differences disappear &#8211; thinking that confrontations will magically not happen is even more magic! Partners need a protocol to manage inevitable confrontations and they need to know how to do relationship repair.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Managing confrontations can be discovered in our previous book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Complete-Passive-Aggression-ebook/dp/B006D5SUUI/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1322148787&amp;sr=1-5">How to Fight Fair in Your Marriage</a>. In this article, however, we want to focus on the basics of what it takes to repair a relationship.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Relationship repair must be based on human needs. First, you must be familiar with the basic needs, and then your “repair work” must be based on that need. In a general way, you can find out which basic need is being frustrated by asking yourself what are the things he/she complains about you most frequently.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">For example: the need for recognition. You can identify this need if your spouse often says that you:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Don’t pay attention; (“You never listen to me”).<br />
Don’t appreciate him/her; (“You don’t care about the things that are important to me”).<br />
Don’t care about their dreams; (“You don’t even remember that I would love to ___”).</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr"><strong>What would some basic repair behaviors be?</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">First, you need to make it a task for yourself to respond to him/her in such a way that they feel listened to (“I hear you saying that you are tired of ___, where would you like to go instead?”).</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Then, set out to address the unsatisfied need directly. To satisfy a need for recognition, find something each day to observe and appreciate, before going to sleep (&#8220;I&#8217;ve never had such a good ___”). Ask, “Where do you see us in five years?” and “Is there something else that you would like to talk about?” Don’t give logical, drawn out reasons as to explain why nothing is possible, because in this way you kill any project and dampen any enthusiasm for change there could be.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Just listen, and repeat back what the other person said, in your own words, and ask for the other person’s confirmation: “Did I understand you well?”</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Do you need more tips for repairing your relationship? Of course you do!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Join us for free at <strong>“<a href="http://nationalrelationshipsmonth.com/">National Relationships Repair Month</a></strong>,” where you’ll receive access to a 4 week plan for handling conflict and reconnecting with your spouse.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation at <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
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		<title>Appreciating people&#8217;s different views</title>
		<link>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/11/learning-to-tolerate-other%e2%80%99s-views/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=learning-to-tolerate-other%25e2%2580%2599s-views</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 04 Nov 2011 15:40:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alfaprima</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anger Management]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://creativeconflicts.com/?p=1128</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[      
      After time and time again spent confronting others, we end up with a confrontational attitude, where we focus on the &#8220;I&#8221; versus &#8220;others&#8221;; &#8220;I will defend my rights,” “Nobody trespasses against me,&#8221; “I will get even.&#8221; Sometimes this is the relationship model we learn at home; other times is the result of life experiences. Ultimately, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[      
      <div>
<p id="internal-source-marker_0.8250479414127767" style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">After time and time again spent confronting others, we end up with a confrontational attitude, where we focus on the &#8220;I&#8221; versus &#8220;others&#8221;; &#8220;I will defend my rights,” “Nobody trespasses against me,&#8221; “I will get even.&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Sometimes this is the relationship model we learn at home; other times is the result of life experiences. Ultimately, there is no way we can get near others emotionally (and thus solve our needs) if we don&#8217;t confront this &#8216;either/or’ attitude. Why is this? Why is it so damaging to relationships?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Quite simply, this attitude divides the world as we see it in a polarity, where if one person is right, the other has to be wrong. This is one of the basic “flawed reasoning” types of logic that we force our brains (and other people) to conform to. In the real world, things are much more complex that we sometimes have the time or energy to deal with. However, that doesn’t change the fact that very few things are black and white, and we can get into trouble for assuming so.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">What can you do if you are having trouble tolerating this complex thing called “multiple views”?</p>
<ul>
<li>
<p dir="ltr">Stop believing that your truth is the truth; what is true for you is not necessarily true for others.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p dir="ltr">Stop insisting that other people must agree with you; it would be nice but disagreement is also OK. Sometimes, disagreeing with each other will lead to the inspiration of a new, improved, collaborated idea.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p dir="ltr">Tell yourself that not every person will see things the way you do, even if you explain your perspective. Unless two people share the same brain, they do not often see things the exact same way. We each bring our own ideas, personalities and experiences to the table.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p dir="ltr">With that in mind, you can stop invalidating other people&#8217;s experiences and opinions, just because they don’t align with yours.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p dir="ltr">Take responsibility for yourself. You can’t always control what happens to you, yes; however, you can always control how you react. That is nobody else’s obligation but your own.</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Of course, this perspective will not automatically make others follow you. That is the not the point of tolerance. However, it will make you happier, because you will not be forcing others to align with you. Your relationships with others will be more productive and fulfilling, which allows for a better exchange of ideas, energy, needs and communication.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Are you having trouble tolerating difference and complexity? Is it endangering your work or personal life? Please, don&#8217;t wait until your life is going downhill fast; get a <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/services">free coaching session</a> with a coach today!</p>
<p dir="ltr">
</div>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation at <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
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<p>&nbsp;</p>
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<div id="crp_related"><h3>Related Posts:</h3><ul><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/01/our-brains-create-more-conflict-than-we-do/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">So you believe to be a rational decision-maker? How wrong can you be?</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/04/healthy-relationships-ask-for-openness/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Healthy Relationships Ask For Openness</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/10/can-emotional-fitness-be-taught-yes/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Can Emotional Fitness Be Taught? Yes!</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/02/what-do-you-want-from-your-relationship/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">What Do You Want From Your Relationship?</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/03/are-you-passive-assertive-or-aggressive/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Are you passive, assertive, or aggressive?</a></li></ul></div>
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<p class='technorati-tags'>Technorati Tags: <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/Anger+Management' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>Anger Management</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/communication' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>communication</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/conflict' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>conflict</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/conflict+resolution' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>conflict resolution</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/confrontation' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>confrontation</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/fair+fighting' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>fair fighting</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/opinions' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>opinions</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/tolerance' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>tolerance</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/views' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>views</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/workplace+conflict' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>workplace conflict</a></p>

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		<title>Can Emotional Fitness Be Taught? Yes!</title>
		<link>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/10/can-emotional-fitness-be-taught-yes/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=can-emotional-fitness-be-taught-yes</link>
		<comments>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/10/can-emotional-fitness-be-taught-yes/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 21 Oct 2011 16:06:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alfaprima</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anger Management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Emotional Abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://creativeconflicts.com/?p=1118</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[      
      How do we teach children to manage their own emotions? Can this be done in school or better is left to the family? Emotional education may not succeed as well in schools as in families, as seen in studies where curriculum about emotions has given the teachers a harder time of it than the students. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[      
      <div>
<p id="internal-source-marker_0.26387469144538045" style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">How do we teach children to manage their own emotions? Can this be done in school or better is left to the family?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Emotional education may not succeed as well in schools as in families, as seen in studies where curriculum about emotions has given the teachers a harder time of it than the students. While there are new projects that seek to facilitate learning about emotion in the classroom, the initial failure of the test reveals the lack of emotional lessons people have received in the home.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Families can educate their children to be emotionally savvy, but they can still run into problems. If they don’t succeed in proper training, the consequences are severe: people can’t connect emotionally, can’t use affectionate words to connect with others they love and their lives are impoverished by that.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Important lessons that need to be taught in the home are:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>
<p dir="ltr">Recognizing emotions in oneself and others,</p>
</li>
<li>
<p dir="ltr">Understanding the causes and consequences of emotions,</p>
</li>
<li>
<p dir="ltr">Labeling the full range of emotions,</p>
</li>
<li>
<p dir="ltr">Expressing emotions appropriately in different contexts, and</p>
</li>
<li>
<p dir="ltr">Regulating emotions effectively to foster relationships and achieve goals.</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">It is also important to educate children about the difference between feelings and behavior. Feelings are all acceptable, and all more or less unchangeable – you can’t stop yourself from feeling angry. However, behavior is completely voluntary and controllable – an important fact that can help children grow up aware of their behavior toward others and the effects behavior can have on any interpersonal relationship.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Also, because all feelings are natural and inherent in us, we must learn not to criticize, judge or demean others because of their emotions. This is extremely crucial in a child’s later relationships with partners and family. The lack of this lesson can be seen in relationship that end early because someone can’t commit, can’t let the other person have their opinions, or too often withdraws from a partner they feel is simply too “needy” and “over-emotional.”</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Of course, these simple and straightforward subjects can be hard to teach your children if you  are also trying to come to terms with emotions in your adult life. If you need help learning to cope with emotion and be emotionally “fit,” or if you need tips on how to teach this to your children, you can visit <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/services">Conflict Coach</a> and schedule your own coaching session.</p>
</div>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div class="mceTemp" style="text-align: justify;">
<dl id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px;">
<dt class="wp-caption-dt"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /></dt>
<dd class="wp-caption-dd">Neil Warner</dd>
</dl>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation at <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
<p style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
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		<title>What kind of love enemy are you?</title>
		<link>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/07/what-kind-of-love-enemy-are-you/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=what-kind-of-love-enemy-are-you</link>
		<comments>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/07/what-kind-of-love-enemy-are-you/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 15 Jul 2011 19:30:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alfaprima</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anger Management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage and Communications]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-Esteem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[angry husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict resolution]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[confrontation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Emotional Abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[frustration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humiliation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://creativeconflicts.com/?p=1051</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[      
      In a passive aggressive relationship, it’s easy to define what makes a bad enemy: hidden anger, sabotage, the cold shoulder, and so on. However, is it possible that there is also such a thing as a “good” enemy? If so, can a bad enemy be turned into a good one? Let’s remember what a marriage [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[      
      <p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">In a passive aggressive relationship, it’s easy to define what makes a bad enemy: hidden anger, sabotage, the cold shoulder, and so on.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">However, is it possible that there is also such a thing as a “good” enemy? If so, can a bad enemy be turned into a good one?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Let’s remember what a marriage is. It’s a process, an agreement. Both sides agree to develop as individuals while also connecting with each other. In this way, each grow as separate human beings, but they grow (or at least try to) at the same pace and they grow in the same relationship. However, we know this isn’t always how it works out: often, the rate of growth becomes uneven, and both partners try to manage their differences in opinion, understanding, and perception (individual growth) without challenging the union that they’re trying to uphold.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">That’s where the fights and arguments come in; they come with the territory of any relationship. Not only are they caused by different patterns of growth and understanding, conflicts are also essential to that growth itself. However, some relationships quickly fall into trouble if one or neither of the partners is at the point where they can handle that conflict in the right way. You need to learn how to be a good enemy, so you can confront yourself and your partner with the truth of your own reality, emotions and needs.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Thus, we can say that passive aggression is the “bad” enemy approach to conflict and growth. Passive aggression demands a reaction to conflict that deals with denial, retreat and sabotage. Being a “good” enemy demands a reaction to conflict that learns and creates growth.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">So what behaviors does a “good” enemy have? Yes, you’re right in thinking, “Whatever the opposite of passive aggression is!” But let’s be a little more specific and break it down.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Do you avoid confrontation, escape from legitimate arguments or outright reject you partner’s arguments? That’s being a bad enemy.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">If you fight your battles looking only at your self-interest, forgetting that you are part of a couple, and answering fire with fire, or all you care about is your self-defense, or if you are too proud or stubborn to admit your share of the troubles, that also makes you a bad enemy.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">On the other hand, a good enemy does not avoid any arguments, but listens and makes an effort to understand the conflicting situation from the other side’s perspective. If you have strength of character and abundance of patience, you will be able to listen carefully and with enough respect as to make your partner deeply understood.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">If you are able to tolerate the voices, the cries or the attacks, and keep asking for the causes of the anger, then you are able to determine what your partner is crying out for, perhaps because there is a felt need for contact or because the loneliness is expressing itself…</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Signs of being a good enemy to your partner:</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">- You always remember how important is for your partner to feel good about himself each day;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">- You are able to offer an apology and thus break communication barriers;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">- You praise your partner whenever contributing positive ideas;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">- You recognize and accept your shortcomings and think of ways for you to becoming a better partner;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">- You treat your partner with respect and dignity at all times, even when you are raging mad at him/her.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr"><strong>The skills of a good enemy are:</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">- Never escalate the anger and the screaming;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">- Deal with the problems in an easy, calm and self-empowered manner;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">- Focus and remember the positive aspects that enhance the relationship;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">- Be able to control situations, know when to stop and to say enough;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">- Be able to make solid decisions, and sacrifice your self-interest.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">You must also understand that in your relationship, to have it surviving and growing you should always work through your problems and settle your differences in a cooperative way. We said before that this does require patience and practice, and if you feel that your skills in this “good” enemy arena are not up to par, we can help!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">&nbsp;</p>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having  a <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/get-help/is-my-husband-passive-aggressive/" target="_blank">conflict coach session</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
<p><a rel="me" href="http://technorati.com/claim/kuidap8nzv"></a></p>
</div>
<div id="crp_related"><h3>Related Posts:</h3><ul><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2010/10/what-makes-you-a-good-enemy/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">What makes you a good enemy?</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2010/12/learning-from-conflicts-creates-resilience-2/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Learning from Conflicts Creates Resilience!</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2012/03/a-better-relationship-means-telling-your-partner-where-it-hurts/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">A Better Relationship Means Telling Your Partner Where it Hurts</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/04/how-to-reinforce-love-day-in-and-day-out/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">How to Reinforce Love, Day In and Day Out</a></li><li><a href="http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/04/how-to-handle-conflict-gracefully/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">How to Handle Conflict Gracefully</a></li></ul></div>
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<p class='technorati-tags'>Technorati Tags: <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/anger' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>anger</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/angry+husband' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>angry husband</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/conflict+resolution' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>conflict resolution</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/confrontation' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>confrontation</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/Emotional+Abuse' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>Emotional Abuse</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/frustration' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>frustration</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/humiliation' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>humiliation</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/resilience' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>resilience</a>, <a class='technorati-link' href='http://technorati.com/tag/Self-Esteem' rel='tag,nofollow' target='_blank'>Self-Esteem</a></p>

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		<title>Keep the Peace using Conflict Rules</title>
		<link>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/06/keep-the-peace-using-conflict-rules/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=keep-the-peace-using-conflict-rules</link>
		<comments>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/06/keep-the-peace-using-conflict-rules/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 09 Jun 2011 15:13:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alfaprima</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anger Management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage and Communications]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[angry husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[attitude change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Cold Shoulder]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict coach]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict resolution]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict rules]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[confrontation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[feelings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fight]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[frustration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healthy relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[negative emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[respect]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-Esteem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[understanding]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://creativeconflicts.com/?p=1003</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[      
      Today we have a useful step for resolving frequent conflict in family relationships. Create &#8220;rules of engagement&#8221; with your partner or family members, and make sure that the rules are clear to everyone. The next time there is a conflict, these rules are to be strictly followed. What are some rules that we recommend? Well, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[      
      <p style="text-align: justify;">Today we have a useful step for resolving frequent conflict in family relationships. Create &#8220;rules of engagement&#8221; with your partner or family members, and make sure that the rules are clear to everyone. The next time there is a conflict, these rules are to be strictly followed.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What are some rules that we recommend?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Well, for intense emotional issues and conflicts, there are two rules that we think are non-negotiable &#8211; you can&#8217;t go without them.</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li><strong>Confrontation is by appointment only. </strong>Conflicts can occur at any time, we know. However, there is a time and a place for discussing problems and issues that are bothering us (i.e., McDonalds over lunch is not one of them). All parties should agree to briefly describe the problem, then make plans for when is a good time for all to talk. This can be as simple as saying, &#8220;I&#8217;d like to talk about what happened just now. Can we speak at home?&#8221;</li>
<li><strong>Everybody has the right to a time-out. </strong>Sometimes things get out of control when emotions like anger or fear escalate. Realize that every person has the right to feel overwhelmed, and the right to ask for a break to calm down and recollect. However, it also that person&#8217;s responsibility to make clear when you will reconvene (minutes or days later).</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Need more ideas about coming up with family rules? It may help to divide into a few categories: rules that keep the conversation constructive, rules to handle disruptive emotions like anger, rules to improve communication, and how-to rules for reaching solutions that please both parties.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Here are some good examples of rules that pertain to the first category &#8211; maintaining constructive conflict:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>Confrontation by appointment only &#8211; we talked about this one. Just as a reminder, don&#8217;t make an appointment to sit down and talk right before bed, work or school.  There should be enough time to both talk out the issue and mentally unwind afterward.</li>
<li>Optimal location &#8211; location has a lot to do with how constructive the confrontation is. A lot of interruptions will impede the flow of ideas, so pick a quiet place. Avoid the bedroom, which should stay associated with peace and rest. A good place to talk about issues is a calm, neutral, pleasing place. Moving while you talk can keep endorphins going at a nice pace, so a park is often a good place to go. If all else fails, phone conversations can remove a physical space that feels threatening.</li>
<li>Start on a kind foot &#8211; Show your desire for mutual respect and peace by taking their hand, offering a gift or compliment, or anything that you feel is appropriate to diminish hostility. Just don&#8217;t go overboard into making it seem like a bribe! Your main objective is to show that you are opening the conversation on a sure ground by professing that you want to protect your relationship&#8217;s underlying values. In short: you are saying: we want to improve the good relationship we already have&#8230;</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Need help creating rules for conflict in the other categories, like reaching workplace resolutions? Visit our conflict coach today to <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/services">receive a free consultation</a>. Coach Nora can send you on your way to a healthy relationship in no time at all!</p>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div class="mceTemp" style="text-align: justify;">
<dl id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px;">
<dt class="wp-caption-dt"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /></dt>
<dd class="wp-caption-dd">Neil Warner</dd>
</dl>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p>
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		<title>How to Deal with Difficult People</title>
		<link>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/01/how-to-deal-with-difficult-people/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=how-to-deal-with-difficult-people</link>
		<comments>http://creativeconflicts.com/2011/01/how-to-deal-with-difficult-people/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 27 Jan 2011 15:44:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alfaprima</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anger Management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Emotional Abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[attitude change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict resolution]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[critique]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[frustration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humiliation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[negative emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rejection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[resentment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Resistance]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://creativeconflicts.com/?p=738</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[      
      What does it mean, that someone is difficult? Every day, we come into contact with people that are walking emotional bundles. They carry the weight of past experiences with them, framing their present experiences as well as whatever wrong assumptions about life they have gained from those hurts. Their previous experiences have conditioned them, from [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[      
      <p style="text-align: justify;">What does it mean, that someone is difficult?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Every day, we come into contact with people that are walking emotional bundles. They carry the weight of past experiences with them, framing their present experiences as well as whatever wrong assumptions about life they have gained from those hurts.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Their previous experiences have conditioned them, from childhood on, to see the world as a dangerous place, full of treacherous people and pregnant with risk. It&#8217;s best not to trust anybody! Because of this frame of reference, they can&#8217;t keep an open and trusting attitude about interpersonal interactions.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">When you think about dealing with people like this, it is easy to see why they are called difficult people or difficult relationships. They are scared, resistant to trust others or directly rejecting cooperation out of mistrust.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Are they the walking wounded? You bet! The best way of framing this interaction is to see them as non-mature people (regardless of their age), that act as wounded children. They sulk, are easily frustrated and upset, get paranoid when given feedback and in general show a reduced ability to work with others in shared projects.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What is the next step, once you&#8217;ve realized that you&#8217;re dealing with a difficult person?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Don&#8217;t take their behavior personally. Their troublesome behavior is their own way of reacting to life, was there before you, and is directed to everybody they come into contact with.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Don&#8217;t fight back or try to beat them at their own games. They are consummate artists who have been practicing their skills for a lifetime, so don’t get into responding fire with fire. You will merely be showing them that dealing with other people is too complicated to handle.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Don&#8217;t give in to unreasonable requests. If you give them what they want just to appease them or put them in a good mood, they will request more and more later.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Don&#8217;t try to change them, you are not their parents/therapist or significant other.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Well, wait. Did we just tell you what NOT to do? Yes. Because in a situation like this, there is really only one thing you CAN do, and have a healthy outcome.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">It&#8217;s this:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">You can only change your responses to their behavior, not the behavior itself. In doing so, and doing it consistently and firmly, they will begin to recognize a cause and effect trend. I.e., if I push someone away in this way, the result is this. Or, if I demand this, I get that.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">So, the bottom line is that you have to have a clear idea of what you stand for, tell people your position in a calm, clear way, walking away when they use intimidation, guilt or abuse to get you to do what you don&#8217;t consider appropriate for your place in the relationship and all the time avoiding getting emotionally involved.</p>
<div class="neilauthor" style="text-align: justify;">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today,by reading the ebook: <a href="http://passiveaggressiveworkplace.com/">Passive Aggressive Workplace</a>.</div>
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