So, you think that you would like this good relationship to be the last one in your life, and the “true love” one? Well, it takes some work, but you can manage to improve it a lot! Here are some important tips for you to look at and decide if and where you need to improve what you are already doing, to get to the better relationship you dream off...
1.- TRY TO KEEP FREQUENT AND DEEP, HONEST COMMUNICATION:
We know that modern life doesn't allow us the luxury of time. So your real challenge is: How do you send the message that the other person is the most important priority in your life? You find a bit of time and care to verify how the other person feels. About what? whatever: her/his work, interests, even about the relationship itself. Make your habit of asking often...Ask, ask and ask! Without asking, you will assume that everything is OK, when it is not. And for sure the other person will feel abandoned if you are not there sharing personal information with her, and asking.
2.- OPENNESS TO ACCEPT YOUR OWN MISTAKES:
We are in relationships to learn how to negotiate with the other, not to “win” over the other person. Part of the package is that being in a relationship will teach you where your limitations are. The “job” of your loved one is to pinpoint at your weaknesses! Be grateful about this information! Thanks your partner for teaching you where you need to improve, own the part of the info that is really true, and change it to a better attitude.
Both sides know that they could eventually be wrong on something, regardless their perceptions, and thus they are open to verification of assertions. So, you assumed something that was not exactly true, acted in consequence and all the time you were dead wrong? It’s time to step to the plate, accept your own responsibility and genuinely feel and show regret & shame for what you did!
Of course, both of you have to know how to apologize graciously in order to heal the pain of wounded feelings so real to our minds.
What is the most useful phrase in your marriage? “I’M SORRY,” followed by a good try at making things better next time.
3.- ACCEPT THE DIFFERENCES:
There are many differences. What used to marvel you in the beginning, that the other was so different from your own experiences, is now a source of irritation. STOP, and remember that you are in a relationship exactly because the differences were exciting and a source of learning for you.
Thinking differently does not equal to confront or disagree with you…if you need your loved one to be on your side, just ask: “This time, I will explain to you how I see this issue; can you try to see it from my point of view? Many thanks, “
Think of the differences in your relationship as assets and always ask: “Do you have a different opinion we need to consider here?” before proceeding to implement a joint decision.
4.- CULTIVATE YOUR INTERESTS:
Being in a relationship is not a commitment exclusive from other interests. You need to develop a well rounded personality, with many interests, so don’t think that you have only to pursue shared interests. Having your own pet hobbies will give you a different take on reality, from which you can share your learning with the other person.
5.- GO THE EXTRA MILE:
You are in this relationship by your own will, and responsible to make from it the best experience you can…If something is required from you, at home or elsewhere in the relationship, just deliver promptly and with a smile. Doing something extra builds a lot of good will for the future.
Nobody is perfect, be grateful that you found someone to learn with, warts and all…as a work in progress, don’t take yourself too seriously; you are only a little bit of the universe, and looking at yourself in this context is humbling.
Be aware that you fulfill the same role for the other person, being a witness and a sometimes fastidious help…so you have permission to laugh at yourself and at your mistakes…they can be always funny, seen in perspective.
However, be certain that you are always faithful to your life mission!
About the Author
Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.