1. We need to treat each other with respect:
It means being considerate about other people’s needs, views and situations. Always ask if this is a good time to talk.

2. Do not interrupt one another:
If you can focus your attention on what the other person says, you will finally get to know what are his/her concerns.

3. We can only change ourselves:
Acknowledging that trying to change others is not only not very loving, but is also impossible to do, so we don’t offer unsolicited advice.

4. We value and respect the right of others to choose:
Valuing others’ right to choose their own responses, and not to assume we can make their decisions for them.

5. We speak only for ourselves:
Instead of assuming we can speak for others, we only speak for ourselves and from our point of view. This saves a lot of unnecessary resentment and resistance towards us.

6. We speak but not too often or for too long
No need to fill the silence with compulsive talking…let the other develop his/her own thoughts at his own pace.

7. We challenge the behavior and not the person:
It means keeping a focus on the issue, the worrisome attitude or behavior, but removing the unnecessary personal labels and destructive comment.

8. We respect confidentiality:
To promote a feeling of trust, safety and in some situations, intimacy through valuing that which is important to another, and acknowledging and respecting their vulnerability in relation to an issue.

9. It is ok to make mistakes:
Mistakes are opportunities for learning, connection and insight rather than opportunities to condemn another – as if we are ourselves ‘perfect’. It means adopting a no-blame approach to difficult situations. Ask more questions instead of blaming the person.

10. Avoid words like “always” or “never”:
Because they assume judgement and evaluation of the other’s attitudes in a way that doesn’t leave any door open to change.

Do you think that you recognize these basic communication values? Of course you know them! And too many times you have wished that they could apply to your conversations with loved ones, right?

Well, it’s time to practice them, and see the results!

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

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