Trying to understand the confusion that his message: “I love you” causes in your brain, because he says that while he is always busy with everything else but you?

Have you noticed that usually there is a thick curtain of technological devices between you and him, like his cell phone (always in a call with someone) his computer (always having to finish something urgent) or the TV?

There are multiple ways in which a passive aggressive husband will block normal communication with you if he feels that you are pressing him into a deeper emotional conversation he doesn’t want any part in.

What was before now an opportunity for some violent confrontations and shouting has changed. Normal people having strong feelings about how they want their most important relationship don’t express them now. If suppressing angry verbal confrontations is a good thing, it was because we wanted to replace them with respectful conversations! What you get instead is passive aggressive responses, wrapped in all kinds of technology.

If interpersonal conflict is a growth opportunity because it teaches us to negotiate our wants and needs with loved ones, technology is allowing more and more passive aggressive ways of canceling passion and fire from conflicts.

As you’re sitting here, in front of your computer reading this post, many things will cross your mind… I can imagine you matching this list with your personal experience…and finding lots of points in common.

OK, now the list:

1) You both have had a discussion, and he leaves for his office. When you try to call him in his cell to close the conversation, he doesn’t answer calls.
2) You think of leaving him a message, but he is not picking up his messages, so you feel like it’s wrong to leave a third one.
3) What is the point of sending him a text message, if no answer?
4) Perhaps an email will pop up on his screen at work? same silence
5) When he gets back, is it time for his TV favorite program?
6) You feel left out, getting frantic for some response from his side, so you are at this point pressing the talk…and so get accused of “being too emotional,” “losing control” and “unable to think in a logical way.”
7) When you finally get to have some time/space to confront him, he is completely in control, peaceful and calm, and you are a total wreck.

Confusing? You bet!

The truth is that technology provides an elegant, ubiquitous shield to protect a person with passive aggressive tendencies from having to accept and process the messy emotional issues of any relationship.

If you are the party most needy of feeling a deep personal connection, this technological shield will leave you out in the cold, full of frustrated expectations, and pondering what kind of future is there for you and your too normal wish for intimacy and love.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

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